Harry Potter and the Adventure of Seeing AVPM
by charmed-star11
Summary: Some of our most hated and loved characters are sent to an alternate dimension where they watch the Muggle sensation...AVPM.  Follow them in discoveries, new friendships, and true love.
1. Introduction

It was Christmas break for Hogwarts. The Golden Trio of Gryffindor were hanging out with Ginny in the Gryffindor Common Room. That's when Hedwig knocked on the window, a small pouch and letter tied to her leg. Harry got up, curious as to who would be sending him a letter this late at night and in this time of year. Hedwig extended her leg once the window was open. Harry removed the pouch and letter, and opening it was surprised to see it was written with a neither quill nor Muggle utensil. It was typed.

"Hey, Harry, what's the letter say?" One of his best friend's, Hermione Granger, put down her book on Transfiguration, curious also to know who had sent the letter.

"Hold on a moment, here Ron, catch the pouch." He tossed the pouch to his other best friend, Ron Weasley. The redhead opened it to reveal 4 little stones. Each had their individual initials etched in. Ron handed Ginny and Hermione theirs while holding his and Harry's.

"So, what are these?"

"Don't know but this is what the letter says:

_Dear Mr. Potter and Weasley and Ms. Weasley and Granger,_

_I am sending you this letter because I am from an alternate dimension, where your lives are a fictional series for all of the Muggle world to enjoy. Now, some of these Muggles have taken the major parts of your story and made them into a musical. You will soon be transported to an out-of-time bubble that exists in your world where you are to view this musical._

_Hope You Enjoy Your Time!_

"Weird, it must be some kind of prank by Fred and George. Here, here's your stone Harry." Harry took the black stone with his initials on them and suddenly the four were consumed in white light. They reappeared in a warm, Muggle living room. Already there was Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape, and Draco Malfoy. Hermione tried to perform a spell but nothing happened. At the lack of magic, the large screen lit up with words across it.

_Now that you all are present!_

_There is no use of magic in this room. Your human needs can be satisfied with two restrooms to the right and the small kitchen to the left. Now, I have both musicals (yes, there is a sequel!) on a continuous playlist to make your lives easier. You'll receive the notices from me throughout both musicals._

_Let the Fun Begin!_

The screen blanked to show a black screen with a play symbol on it.

"Well, everyone get comfortable, I'll start the video." Professor Dumbledore took the remote sitting next to him and pressed the watching button to the one on the screen. That's when the music started…


	2. Act 1 Scene 1

Act 1 Scene 1

After the title appeared, a man with curly brown hair wearing something resembling the Gryffindor uniform and round glasses started singing as he sat on a trunk.

**Harry: Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want.**

"Hey, Potter, can you be even more of a spoiled brat?" Malfoy sneered at him but Harry just looked horrified at what the musical was showing. There is a whole world who knows he was treated like that?

"Hey, Malfoy, can you be even more of bloody prick?" Ginny defended her boyfriend. She knew his childhood was highly lacking and borderline abusive and she could also see the reaction the first few lines had on him.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive…**

"Dramatic much there buddy?" Ron nudged Harry and brought a smiled to his face. Ginny was sitting in his lap and poked her brother for disturbing her resting spot.

"Oh yeah Ron, I'm always dramatic didn't you know?"

"Boys, now you two shut it while the musical is playing!" Hermione smiled at them as they quieted.

**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, its September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now…I gotta get back to Hogwarts!**

The whole of the room, excluding Snape and Malfoy, laughed out at the change in the song. Dumbledore was chuckling under his breath and decided that there was actually going to be some lessons in this musical now.

**I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool.**

"Okay, now I'm sounding like Malfoy." Ron snorted as Malfoy glared at them. He wasn't seeing the humour in this anymore.

"Well, I always knew you were conceited Potter…"

"Now, Severus, remember this isn't actually Harry." Harry smiled at his Headmaster for the save.

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think I'm going back.**

"What year do you suppose they are putting us in?" Hermione was trying to decide what year they would be recreating in this parody of their lives and personalities.

"I'm going to assume it's going to be 2nd or 3rd or 4th year. I wasn't too excited for 5th and it doesn't appear to be 6th." A small 2 appeared in the corner of the screen and everyone nodded in acknowledgement of the answer.

**I'm gonna see my friends, gonna laugh 'till we cry; take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year is anyone gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

"Morbid much Potter?" Malfoy was intrigued as to what the parody of their first year was to make Potter say that in the musical.

"It's a nice thought though when I think about it; Quirrell in our 1st year, the basilisk and Riddle in our 2nd, almost Sirius in our 3rd, Cedric, that old man, Barty Crouch Sr/Jr, and that Ministry witch in our 4th, and Sirius in our 5th." It was quite the morbid list of people having died in their years at Hogwarts. Malfoy shut his mouth at the mention of the people that had died, because that was a long list.

**I'll cast some spells with the flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah, bring it on!**

"Before any of you say a thing, I do NOT want the entirety of the Dark Arts to attack me en masse!" Even Malfoy chuckled at that.

**And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome…**

**Ron: Yeah 'cause together we're totally awesome!**

"Yes, I'm in." Harry and Ron high-fived while Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes. Dumbledore smiled slightly at their antics while Snape and Malfoy awaited more of this horribly twisted version of the school.

**Ron (speech): Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Woo! Hey what's up buddy?**

**Harry: Hey! (man hugs)**

**Ron: Sorry it took me so long to get here I had…to go get…some…Floo Powder but, uh, we gotta get going so get your trunk and let's go.**

**Harry: Where are we going?**

**Ron: To Diagon Alley, of course!**

**Harry: Cool!**

**Ron: Come on!**

**Ron and Harry (running around flapping their arms): Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power!**

The entire room cracked up laughing at Harry and Ron as they looked shocked at their characters running around being stupid.

"I can't believe there is actual humour in this bloody Muggle contraption. I will not let you forget this Weasel and Scarface." They glared at Malfoy but they had to admit it looked kind of fun to do…

**Ron (singing): It's been so long…**

**Both: …but we're going back!**

**Ron: Don't go for work, don't go there for class!**

**Harry: As long as we're together…**

**Ron: …gonna kick some ass…**

**Both: …and it's going to be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm; stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!**

**Hermione: But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs…**

"Oh bloody hell, they got Hermione spot on!" Harry laughed as Ginny tried to smirk at Hermione's look of horror at how she was being portrayed. Malfoy was laughing as well, thinking they got the Gryffindor bookworm spot on.

**Ron: Whoa, God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?**

**Hermione: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We have to work hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. (singing) I may by frumpy but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start.**

"Shouldn't they be using O's instead?"

"They are using the Muggle scale of grading where A is the highest and I'm not frumpy!" Her friends were laughing at her pout and she couldn't help smirking with them. Malfoy was trying not to enjoy himself but he found that he actually _wanted_ to be a part of the Gryffin-dorks easy friendship. Snape noticed his godson and new fellow Death Eater eyeing the Gryffindors with a small bit of longing. There may be hope for the young Slytherin yet…

**What I lack in looks, well, I make up in heart and guess what guys that is totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.**

**Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot.**

Ron was slapped hard by Ginny and Hermione while Malfoy laughed his ass off. Harry was torn between wanting to scold his friend and laugh because of the antics of the characters on screen.

**Harry: Hey Ron, lay off, we're the only friends that she's got…**

"Harry James Potter, you apologize right now!" Ginny slapped the back of his head, knocking his glasses forward a bit but he eyed his girlfriend warily.

"Ginny, I didn't actually say that, it's a character on the screen."

"Fine, but you and Ron have a lot to answer for in this play when we get back to school." He nodded with Ron at the youngest redhead's threat.

…**and that's cool…**

**Hermione: …and that's totally awesome!**

**All Three: Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how…We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-cool.**

**Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's that all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think we're going back.**

"I want to know who the bloody hell that one Slytherin is doing the interpretive dance, he's hilarious!" Ron and Harry were cracking up, as were Hermione and Ginny. Malfoy was trying not to laugh at the weird antics of the unknown Slytherin but was finding it hard. Dumbledore watched the children with that twinkle in his eye that meant good things were happening. He watched as the five students interacted with each other unknowingly and that the glares and snide comments had lessened. Snape only saw how they were being immature, like the dreaded Marauders of his time but then he saw Ginny, her red hair and build making her appear like Lily sitting in James' lap back in their seventh year. He refrained from saying much as this scene brought back old memories.

"Well, that ends the first video. So, who's ready for the next one?" Dumbledore watched as the Gryffindors immediately raised their hands and then noticed Draco raising his slightly. The Headmaster watched as the next video loaded and the students walked across the screen…

-All Copyrights are those of the actual owners, not myself…this is just my mind playing around-


	3. Act 1 Scene 2

Act 1 Scene 2

**Ginny: Ron!**

"Oh bloody hell no, that can't be me!" Ginny look startled at her character…she would never wear yellow shoes like that!

"Now, the Weaslette is present…"

**You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's and use those sickles Mum gave you for my robe fittings!**

**Harry: Uh, who's this?**

**Ron: Uh, This is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny. She's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry.**

**Harry: Hey.**

**Ron: Harry Potter. It's Harry Potter.**

"Wow, thanks Ron, I needed the emphasized introduction. Prat." Harry playfully punched Ron as Ginny goggled at her character.

"Why am I so girly and pathetic? Shut it Malfoy!" Malfoy shut his mouth but continued to grin.

**Ginny: You're Harry Potter. You're the Boy-Who-Lived.**

**Harry: Yeah, you're Ginny.**

**Ginny: It's Ginevra.**

**Harry: Cool, Ginny's fine.**

**Ron: Stupid sister, -clap-, don't crowd the famous friend. -laugh-**

"What was with the clapping thing?"

"I have no idea but does that actually work?"

"You try it on her Ron and I'll castrate you personally." Harry playfully glared at his best mate.

"Hey, you know, she is my sister."

"Hey, you know, she is my girlfriend." They stared down each other before bursting into laughter.

**Hermione: Do you guys here music or something?**

**Harry: Music? What are you talking about?**

**Ron: Yeah, uh, someone's coming.**

**Harry: Someone's coming?**

**Cho and Friends: Cho Chang! Domo arigatto, Cho Chang! Gung hey fat choy Chang! Happy, Happy New Year, Cho Chang!**

"Wow, did they just…"

"Yup, for once I agree with Weasley, wow." Harry just rolled his eyes at the two while Ginny glared at the Asian on screen.

"If this is going back on your crush on Cho then I'm going to be really pissed off."

"Just remember Gin, that I love you. I merely crushed on her."

**Ginny: Oh, who's that?**

**Harry: That's Cho Chang.**

**Ron: That's the girl that Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.**

**Hermione: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.**

**Ron: Well, yeah, you never tell a girl that you like her; it makes you look like an idiot.**

"That sounds like the advice your godfather gave your father back in their 3rd year. I had completely laughed at that because Lily wouldn't have acknowledged him for anything other than being a complete idiot."

"Did you just tell me something without being truly insulting?" Snape glared at Harry but he had already returned to the musical.

**Ginny: Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley.**

**Lavender: Bitch! I ain't Cho Chang!**

"Oh, that's a burn!" Ron laughed and even Hermione snorted at the twist. Ginny was just blushing as she hid her face in Harry's neck. He was trying to remain unmoved but inside he was laughing.

**Ron: That's Lavander Brown –clap- racist sister!**

**Cho: Hey, it's all right. I'm Cho Chang y'all.**

**Harry: She is totally perfect.**

**Ron: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?**

**Harry: What?**

The Gryffindors bowed their heads in remembrance of their fallen classmate. Cedric had been the War's first official victim. Harry was dreading how the musical seemed to be making this out.

**Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that, who is that guy?**

"I can't believe where this is going with him." Harry nodded with Hermione. He would always feel slightly responsible for the Hufflepuff's death.

**Cedric: Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!**

**Harry: I hate that guy. I hate him.**

"Oh my god, who the hell wrote this? Was that really Cedric?" Ron was trying not to laugh but failed miserably while Malfoy was already laughing hysterically. Harry lightly punched Ron in the arm but smiled at his friend.

**Ron: So, are we gonna go get those robes or not?**

**Ginny: Okay, alright, I'm going.**

**Ron: God sister! (They leave and Neville enters to run in with Crabbe and Goyle)**

**Goyle: Present your arm, nerd! Indian Burn Hex!**

Malfoy lost it. He had tears running down his face and fallen out of the chair he was laughing so hard. Harry and Ron were almost as bad while Ginny and Hermione just stared at Neville. They couldn't believe what a complete loser they had made him to be!

**Ron: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle…**

**Ginny: Are you okay?**

**Harry: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

**Goyle: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter?**

"Bloody hell mates, I didn't know Goyle could talk, let alone perform a spell!" The Trio were laughing while Ginny looked at Malfoy who was trying not to laugh.

**You think just because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!**

**Harry: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville. Come on…**

"And there is Potter's hero complex come to work once again, except it doesn't work on Slytherins when you're the Gryffindor Golden Boy." Harry threw a pillow at Draco and he was so stunned that it actually did hit him in the face.

**Goyle: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! (breaks glasses) We hate nerds…**

**Crabbe: And girls…**

**"Draco, if Goyle is the awkward ass of the group and Crabbe is a cross-dressing gangster, I can't wait to see what you are."**

**Ron: Well, you asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter, he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.**

**Hermione: Alright, everyone just calm down. **_**Occulous Repairo!**_

**Harry: Wow, cool.**

**Hermione: Okay, now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone.**

**Harry: Yeah, I'm getting out of here…**

**Draco: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?**

"YOU'RE A BLOODY GIRL MALFOY!" The entirety of the room, even Severus Snape, cracked up at that. The four Gryffindors were in tears and they were short of breath because of the pure perfection of that moment.

"Laugh all you want Gryffindors, but I'll get my revenge somehow." Malfoy was pouting; he was not a girl by any means!

**Harry: What do you want Draco?**

**Draco: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of purple doves and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard.**

"You know, for as oddly accurate as all the characters have been, your character is the most accurate Malfoy."

"She really is; prissy, stuck-up, snobbish, ridiculous, feminine, always doing things no one understands…"

"Shut it Weasley or I'll hex you into oblivion once we leave this blasted Muggle hole!"

"Weasley, Malfoy, stop fighting or 10 points from each House." Snape glared at the two 16 year olds, shutting them up.

**Harry: Hey, listen Malfoy; Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything.**

**Draco: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me; red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion, you must be a Weasley.**

**Ron: Oh my god, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass.**

**Draco: Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family.**

"Thank you Malfoy for trying to demolish one of the few joys in my life."

"Hell yeah we're a family…but you forget that we aren't exactly small…DA ring any bells?" Draco blanched as Harry and Ron fist-bumped in support.

**Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts. (singing) This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, it's gonna be totally awesome! Look out world for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say and Potter won't be in my way and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

**Goyle: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"Perfect! Malfoy, you are never going to live this down!" Harry looked at the Slytherin Prince with vengeful glee.

"Oh wait Potter; I now have background information to use on you and who knows what will occur later…"

"Won't ever top the fact you're played by a short girl!"

**CHOO CHOO**

**Hermione: Hurry guys, or we'll miss the train!**

**Cast: Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow…**

Ron fist pumped the air at that line while Hermione rolled her eyes.

**Harry: Maybe at last I'll talk to Cho?**

**Ron: Oh no, that would be way too awesome!**

**Cast: We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began and here we are and ALAKAZAM! Here we go and this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itching to go.**

**Neville: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!**

"Look Professor, you're going to finally be in this!"

"So I am Harry…I'm most curious as to how I'm portrayed."

**Cast: Ah! Ah!**

**Dumbledore: WELCOME!**

Snape choked, Malfoy just stared and the Gryffindors all burst into laughter. Dumbledore looked like a complete moron dressed in robes, sandals, and throwing flowers.

**All of you to Hogwarts. I welcome all you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool?**

"Do we really have a swimming pool?"

"I guess the Room of Requirement could conjure one so it could be considered hidden…" Dumbledore chuckled as he watched his character; having a feeling he was going to enjoy this immensely.

**Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts! Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts (speech) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore…suppose you could also call me Albus if you want a detention. Oh, I'm just kidding, I'll expel yah if you call me Albus.**

"Well, that's definitely one way to start the term…I might have to try this sometime. What do you think Severus?"

"I'm absolutely dreading when I come in Professor Dumbledore, if this is what they've done to you."

**Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to…**

**Gryffindor! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw! Slytherin!**

The four Gryffindors actually cheered with their house as Draco cheered for his. It was odd to know that there were no Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs present or an equal number of Gryffindor to Slytherin but it didn't bother the teens too much.

**Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what ch'you say?**

**Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!**

**Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Harry: Man, I'm glad I'm back!**

That was the end of second video. Dumbledore paused the playlist and watched as the teens were tired. He got up and found the large pile of pillows and blankets located behind the one couch.

"Here everyone, make yourselves comfortable for the night. We can continue our adventure tomorrow morning after breakfast. Goodnight everyone!" Dumbledore found the light switch near the kitchen and turned the lights off. Harry and Ginny ended up curled in the huge cuddle chair near the screen, Ron and Hermione claiming the long couch. Snape reclined in the recliner while Dumbledore gladly took the floor so Draco could have the love seat. Draco looked down at his Headmaster, slightly guilty for taking the last piece of furniture, or so he thought until he saw a bed in the corner of the room they must have overlooked. He motioned for Dumbledore to take the love seat and took the air mattress for himself. They all went into a peaceful sleep, the first night of this twist in their fates now over.


	4. Act 1 Scene 3

Act 1 Scene 3

Everyone awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon. Ron actually thought Mrs. Weasley was here until he got up and saw Harry cooking. Ginny wandered into the kitchen and saw her boyfriend cooking.

"Wow, Harry, I didn't know you could cook."

"A necessary survival skill from the Dursley's, anyways, grab a plate and help yourselves." There was already a full platter of toast, bacon, and a bowl of scrambled eggs. There were jams set out and some coffee in a pot staying warm.

"There is orange juice in the fridge." The two Weasley siblings dug right into the breakfast and soon they were joined by Malfoy and then Hermione.

"My, Potter, feeling a tad off today?"

"You can either shut it or not eat, your choice." Draco pouted but kept quiet as he took a plate and got food. As Harry finally finished cooking, Snape and Dumbledore walked in. The small kitchen was pretty crowded and there were only 4 seats at the table. Harry grabbed his plate and sat on the counter. Snape was slightly impressed with Potter's cooking then felt a pang of guilt as he realized this was from living with Tuney and her despicable whale of a husband.

"Ah, good morning everyone and this is quite a lovely surprise Harry; thank you."

"No problem Professor, anyways, I figured this was safer than everyone trying to make their own." Ron nodded his head eagerly and soon they were all well fed, Ginny and Hermione took the dishes while the boys went to wash up. They entered the restroom marked with "Men" and saw what looked more like a dressing room. There was another door that said Toilet, but there was also a small alcove with showers and then there were two dressers with a mirror.

"At least we can change out of our robes and uniforms." Harry agreed and soon they were getting dressed. There were sections marked with their names on the dressers and Harry felt odd with Muggle clothes that actually fit him properly.

"Wow, they weren't too shabby on the room were they?" Once Malfoy dressed, the boys heard the two girls scream. They shot out of the restroom and stopped dead when they saw the Dark Lord himself standing in the living room, looking livid. Hermione and Ginny were in the doorway to the kitchen while Dumbledore stood in front of them.

"What is the meaning of this Albus?" Harry stayed quiet, he really didn't feel like fighting…wait, his scar wasn't hurting! Voldemort was as powerless as them!

"We are here witnessing a Muggle recreation of our world in an alternate dimension. It seems you have been asked to join us Tom."

"I don't think so, _Avada Kedavra!_" His wand produced a small green ball of light that soon faded as the no magic rule took effect. His red eyes looked even angrier as the black-slit pupils dilated. The screen lit up on its own accord and a new message appeared.

_Welcome Lord Voldemort,_

_You are now here because your character will be appearing soon. I have a no magic policy in this room since you are in an anti-reality bubble created in your dimension. There will be no murdering, torturing or maiming of anyone in this room. Later tonight, another air mattress will be added for you to sleep on._

_Heed my Warning_

"You have got to be kidding me…I have to inhabit the same room as my enemies! For how long?"

"We are to stay here until the end of the sequel. Ladies, please go wash and change so that we can start in on the next video." Ginny and Hermione glared at the Dark Lord while also avoiding him. They disappeared as did Snape and Dumbledore to change. That gave Voldemort the perfect opportunity to turn and then see Harry, Draco, and Ron standing behind the couch.

"Harry Potter."

"Voldemort." The two mortal enemies stared at each other, neither letting their gaze falter. That was how the others found them 15 minutes later.

"Now, it's time to start. Come sit by me Tom." Voldemort refused and instead sat in the chair that was farthest from everyone. The others resumed their spots and Dumbledore started the video.

Dumbledore: Yes, Yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter.

Ron: Woo! Woo!

Dumbledore: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby, he's even got the lightning scar for the proof.

"Of course Potter is your favorite student Albus."

"He has a point though, for an evil Dark Lord, you were killed by a 1 year old." Hermione shut her mouth when Voldemort glared at her.

Dumbledore: And another very special welcome to our newest edition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny…excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley.

"I think I like this Albus, he's the idiot you always try to hide."

"Anyways, ignoring the snake person, really Professor, I'll vouch that Ginny is a girl!"

"I have no doubt about that Harry."

Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl and, um, also aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?

Dumbledore: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year.

"WE NEED ONE OF THEM!" Harry and Ron were grinning at each other as they both thought to give the idea to the twins…

"Not on your lives! If I see any scarves, I'll know who deduct points from."

Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care.

"I like this Dumbledore…can we try this for like a week next year and see what happens?"

"No Harry, I cannot do that on good conscious."

"Can you give a cool speech like this next year then?" Ron looked at Dumbledore as he smiled.

"Possibly…"

Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.

"Since when?" Draco, Voldemort, Snape, Ron, and Harry all questioned at once. They looked at the Dark Lord in surprise as he shrugged and stated,

"I'm a Slytherin, when have I thought Hufflepuffs are particularly good at anything?"

Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?

"I'll never say this again…I agree with Dumbledore." This was going to be an interesting experience with Voldemort in the room.

Anyway, it is time for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions Professor, Mr. Severus Snape.

Ron: Ah man, Snape, I had hoped they fired that guy.

Ginny: What's wrong with Professor Snape?

Ron: Ah nothing, he's just, uh, evil.

The children all burst into laughter as Snape came onto the screen. He looked absolutely ridiculous and even Voldemort had smiled at the parody of the spy. He saw that Severus was neither supporting Dumbledore nor himself in this room, preferring to just be an accessory. It was a very smart move.

Harry: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad.

Snape: Harry Potter, detention.

Harry: What?

Snape: For talking out of turn.

"So would happen in real life." Hermione looked at her two best friends and shook her head at their antics. They were acting like Fred and George.

Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very first pop-quiz. Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger…

Hermione: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.

"Wow, Hermione, could you answer it any faster?" Hermione grinned and shook her head.

"."

"I didn't actually mean it!"

Snape: Oh very good…now can anyone tell what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?

Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.

"Bloody hell, I don't care how crass our characters are being to Hermione, but they got her character about dead on. Ouch! You bloody women!" Ginny and Hermione had attacked Ron as Harry just sat back and watched his friend get what was coming to him. Voldemort had been unusually quiet during this whole ordeal and he observed the Dark Lord, sitting in the chair as though it was his throne and merely observing the group with disdain.

_Lighten up Voldemort, this is probably your last chance to find what's left of your humanity._

Snape: Perfect!

"Oh ok, now they are back to the parody. Snape would never compliment a Gryffindor if the world was collapsing and that was to save it."

Ron: What's a Portkey again? I missed that one.

Hermione: Oh, a Portkey is something that (Ron: Not you, oh my god.) when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere.

Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object like a football or... a dolphin.

"A dolphin? That poor dolphin, it brushes up against a fish and poof! It's in the middle of a desert or in the mountains!" Ron was too far gone laughing to care.

Lavender: Professor, can like a person be a Portkey?

Snape: No, that's absurd. If that person were to ever touch themselves… (looks at Ron)

The Ron in the room stopped laughing as he looked completely embarrassed and appalled at the play.

"Ron, they got you down alright, always eating and playing with yourself." Ron smacked Harry upside the head but the students couldn't stop laughing. Snape was smiling cruelly while trying NOT to think of the ginger brat doing any of these things while Dumbledore enjoyed these children having fun, in times when their fun and relaxation was almost non-existent.

…They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore, and Voldemort all froze at that information and all of the sudden, all eyes were on Harry. He looked at the paused Snape in complete horror.

"No…"

"It can't be true…no Harry can't be a Horcrux, that's completely unacceptable." Hermione was gripping Harry's hand tightly while Ron had wrapped his arm around his best friend, trying to keep him safe. Ginny looked perplexed, as did Malfoy.

"If you're a bloody Horcrux Potter, I'm going to do much worse than kill you." Voldemort glowered at the boy. If they knew what Horcruxes were and if Dumbledore knew what his were, then Potter would have to remain alive for now. Dumbledore looked at the screen, thinking that maybe this wasn't the best of plans for whoever set this up.

Harry: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?

Snape: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough.

Hermione: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?

Snape: Oh no, no-no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know; especially you. Now, moving right along there are four houses in all: Gryffindor,

Gryffindors: Woo!

Snape: Ravenclaw,

Ravenclaws: Ow!

Snape: Hufflepuff,

Cedric: Find!

Snape: What? And Slytherin.

Slytherins: Yessssssss!

Snape: Now, tra….traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor!

Gryffindors: What? Why?

Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.

Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione.

"Did he really just…"

"I can guarantee you Miss Granger, that no one with authority at Hogwarts may actually do that."

"I can also say though, 'Mione, that you do not have any baby fat whatsoever." Ron blushed but Hermione smiled at him. Harry watched their antics as he pushed the Horcrux business to the back of his head. That's when another one of those annoying messages appeared on the screen.

_Do not worry over that now Harry, Acceptance and Sacrifice will prevail over Destruction and Slaughter._

"What does that even mean?"

"No idea to be honest but maybe it spells out things will turn out alright?"

Snape: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Darks Arts, Professor Quirrell.

"Okay, our second year officially but with Quirrell, a change in the House Cup and Harry actually noticing girls…they have definitely combined years together."

"Oh my god, is that actually Quirrell?" The kids burst out into more laughter as the guy came out, obviously with another person in the costume. Voldemort was coming into play soon.

Harry: Ow! Ah, ah!

"I remember that, except now that I think about it, I was looking at Snape but Quirrell had his head turned so that the back was to Snape! That's why it hurt and I blamed it on you!"

"Wow, Potter, you're deduction skills amaze me."

Quirrell: House Cup, a time honored tradition: for centuries…

Draco: Go home terrorist!

"Why couldn't you be this cool in real life Malfoy?" The children had choked when the Draco on screen had said that. If it had actually happened, that would have made their first year.

Quirrell: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and what are the…roots of the competition?

Hermione: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts' students.

Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question.

"I see that even this Miss Granger has trouble holding her tongue. Not every question needs a little Miss Know-It-All to answer it."

"Shut it Snape." The Professor glared at the two boys but they just ignored him. Those insolent little brats…

Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor.

Ron: Thanks Hermione.

Quirrell: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup but would also win eternal glory.

Hermione: Kind of like a House Cup or…no…like a Triwizard Tournament.

"I don't like where this is going…"

"Nor do we… especially if dangerous tournament and Cedric and Voldemort are involved."

Quirrell: Yes, kind of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how could it be the Triwizard Tournament with 4 teams?

Hermione: Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after 1 semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.

Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous but the rewards far out way the risks.

Hermione: No, I don't think you heard me,

"Oh, he heard you. I bet they are combining first and fourth year together, which means they are just trying to kill me again."

I just said somebody died!

Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points.

Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione!

Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore.

"Okay, I agree, Professor, you need to be a bit cooler like this guy!"

"Mr. Weasley and Mr. Potter, I will not insult my students but I do like the idea of rewarding myself with points for clever comments."

Quirrell: Yes, yes well it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the Professor of Dense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to…

Voldemort: Achoo!

"Did Voldemort just sneeze?" The teens were trying not to laugh at the prospect of the most evil sorcerer in a century sneezing in the middle of the Great Hall in the presence of Dumbledore and the Order Professors.

"Are they really portraying that like this?" Voldemort looked almost at a loss of what to make of the situation.

Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?

Quirrell: Um, sir, no.

Dumbledore: I could have just sworn I heard coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving.

Quirrell: No, that-that was simply a fart, excuse me.

"Okay, Voldemort is slowly losing his fear factor. Quirrell just became completely idiotic and hilarious and farts are now in the mix."

"Where are Fred and George when you need them?"

Voldemort: Achoo!

Harry: Ow! Ow! Oow! Holy Jesus, oh my…ow.

Voldemort: Achoo!

Quirrell: I simply farted once more.

Dumbledore: In accordance to the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from every house will be selected to compete so, Snape, will you do the honors for me?

Snape: Yes Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw House, Miss Cho Chang.

Cho: Oh my god I won, I can't believe it y'all.

Snape: Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory.

Cedric: Well, I don't _find_ this surprising at all.

"Oh, Cedric, I'm so sorry." Draco wisely didn't make a comment because he knew that the murderer was in the room with them.

Cho: I find it perfect that I get to spend more time with my little boyfriend.

Cedric: I as well, my darling. (kiss)

Snape: Next, from the Slytherins, Draco Malfoy.

Draco: Ha! Ho! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that huh? I'm the champion this time!

"What the hell was I doing?"

"Are you really played by a teenage girl?" Draco blushed as the Voldemort laughed. Everyone shivered at the cold, heartless sound while Harry felt the memory of his mother dying trying to pull forward.

"Malfoy, I think you were trying to get all up in our grill."

Dumbledore: Draco, would you sit down you little shit, champion is just a title.

"Wohoo! Go Dumbledore!"

"I am not a little shit!"

"Yes you are Malfoy!" Harry and Ron high-fived as Draco pouted. He really was starting to hate those bloody Gryffindors more!

Snape: And finally, from the Gryffindor House, oh my. Well, isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he might lose his life…

Neville: If it's me, I just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors now, for when I lose…

Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, it's Harry Potter.

Ron: Woo! Woo!

"Really, I had to be happy about it? At least this time there were supposed to be four champions." Ginny pecked Harry's cheek as he pouted, making him blush and smile.

Dumbledore: Here they are folks, the four Hogwarts' champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything….so let's get to it.

Students: Cho Chang! Cho Chang!

Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy…

"That's the end of that, on to video four!"


	5. Act 1 Scene 4

Act 1 Scene 4

**Ron: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag.**

**Harry: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory is pretty awesome NOT! He sucks! I'm totally going win this. Yeah!**

"Why am I so conceded? I've never been this conceded in my entire life!"

"Just like your father Potter…"

"No, Dad was confident in himself where as you were insecure and couldn't understand why he was superior to you in sociality." Harry had been fed up with Snape putting his father down. If it weren't for him, Lily would have been killed sooner and Harry wouldn't be alive.

"Harry, he is still your…"

"No! I'm tired of him keeping this grudge against my father, godfather, and honorary uncle because of a few embarrassing pranks! It's no different than Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle and against us! Haven't you ever heard the saying, -Don't speak ill of the dead-?" Snape stared at Potter, fuming. He didn't know what it was like to be pranked on by the most popular kids in school, how it felt to grow up knowing the only people who cared was a Muggleborn and your own mother!

"You don't know anything Potter!"

"Don't I though? You at least had my mother and your own mother to love you! You know what I had? I had an uncle who thought I was shit on the bottom of his shoe whose only purpose was to serve them! I had an aunt who made sure that every bloody chore was mine to do and that her son was a pampered whale! I had a cousin who consistently used me as a punching bag and a bloody toy until I discovered I could run faster than his fat ass! He and his gang made sure I was borderline failing in school and had no friends because they were scared they would be beat up. I don't want to hear it Snape, you at least had someone to love you through the years. I had to wait until I was eleven to even know I was worth more than owl shit." Everyone was silent at the outburst, musical forgotten as Snape looked stunned. He knew his life was hard, his father despised magic and thought him worthless but his mother always made sure he knew she loved him, no matter what. Lily later made sure that he knew he wasn't just a little momma's boy. When he joined Slytherin, they felt more like a family…but Lily's son didn't know that. He didn't know how wonderful his mother was, how loyal his father had been, how protective Black had been of the Marauders, and how Lupin made sure they knew when to be serious. Harry knew none of it, the only love he knew of was from his godfather and even then that was a 2 year fling, his two best friends and now his girlfriend. The Weasleys had practically adopted him into their family and Remus looked after him, but their love was just a little too late because the damage had been done years ago. Snape bowed his head and left the room as Harry finally calmed down and his eyes went from almost black back to emerald green.

"Harry, are you okay now my boy?"

"Yeah, I've never yelled like that before…I'm sorry Professor."

"I know you are, and I'm sorry I sent you there."

"I know why you did, if I had been in your position I had have made the same one. I just was tired of having to hear him put down my family like that just because of a school rivalry."

"You mean you won't carry it out of school?"

"Malfoy, unless you do something completely stupid, like kill or maim one of my loved ones, then our grudge will end with graduation." Voldemort had watched the exchange and noticed the similarities between his own childhood and Potter's. It wasn't a pleasant one and they were the examples of how no matter the circumstances, it's the person who chooses their own path. He felt a small kinship to the boy who was destined to possibly destroy him and that's when everyone noticed the transformation. Voldemort's skin had gone from snow white to an almost healthy shade of pale. Muscles had expanded ever so slightly on the thin frame and his nose poked out just the tiniest bit.

"What is happening to me?"

"I don't' know Tom." The teens had calmed from their scare of Harry yelling and now were more anxious to see the rest of the musical.

**Hermione: I don't know Harry.**

**Ron: Oh my god, Hermione shut up! Why do you have to rain on everyone's parade?**

**Hermione: Because Ron, this is dangerous.**

**Harry: Dangerous, oh come on Hermione, how dangerous could this be especially for me?**

"No I do NOT think I'm invincible…don't even try it Voldemort."

**Hermione: Well, you're not invincible Harry. Somebody died in this tournament.**

**Harry: Uh, I'm the Boy-That-Lived not Died. God, what's the worst that can happen?**

**Hermione: And I don't about that Quirrell character. You know first we resurrects some horrible ancient tournament and then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head.**

**Harry: Come one think about it, Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires the professors…**

**Ron and Harry: Dumbledore's**

**Harry: the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard, (Ron: beautiful) beautiful wizard in the whole world. Why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?**

**Hermione: I mean, what about Snape?**

**Harry: What about Snape?**

**Hermione: He's hated you for years and he hated your parents too, Harry everybody knows that, and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not five potential Gryffindors.**

**Harry: Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!**

**Hermione: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies, ones you might not even know about.**

**Harry: Alright, so let me get this straight; you think this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?**

**Hermione: I don't know…maybe! Anyway I just think that it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it.**

**Harry: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out.**

"We wish you could have Harry. Between the Horntail…"

"The gridylows and nearly drowning…

"Not to mention when SOMEONE had one of his SERVANTS take you to almost be KILLED…"

"We really hated that year." Harry nodded and noticed that Voldemort wasn't smiling like he thought he would. He looked thoughtful and then Harry noticed a slight change that only someone who had stared at that face and been possessed by it would notice. The skin had become even healthier and a shadow was slowly appearing on his head. Harry had a small theory as to what was happening but only time would tell.

**Hermione: Oh thank you Harry!**

**Ron: Wait, wait, WHAT? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you could win? Come on!**

"Hey, Ron, I already have it…don't need nor want any more of it. You can have it."

"Thanks, you're so generous Harry."

**Harry: Hey, eternal glory, already got enough. Besides, Neville will be a great champion…**

**Ron: No, no, no I do NOT want Shlongbottom to be my champion.**

"I am so using that!"

"Okay Malfoy, or should we start calling you Daphne instead?"

"Oh shut it Potter…"

**Hermione: Look all you have to do is, look! There's Dumbledore, why don't you just talk him now and tell him that you're dropping out?**

**Harry: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really really cool, we're super tight, I don't want him to think I'm being lazy or being disrespectful or anything so why don't you tell him? Just tell him I wanna work on school or something. Alright? Hey, you've got this one (taps her nose). You got it.**

**Hermione: Alright.**

"Harry, if you ever do that to me or treat me like this, I will hex your genitals off so fast that not even Apparating can save you." Harry gulped at the witch's threat but nodded his head.

**Harry: Don't worry about it.**

**Hermione: Dumbledore?**

**Dumbledore: Yes Granger?**

**Hermione: Um, I need to talk to you for a moment; it's about the, uh, House Cup Tournament. Um, well, first of all I think it's an awful idea but, um, second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, why do you always have to be such a big stick in the mud, huh? Pray tell me why Harry Potter should not compete?**

**Hermione: Well, uh, because he…wants to study.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you.**

"That's the truth…" Snape had come back into the room, his snide comment scaring the Gryffindors out of the musical. He purposely avoided looking at Potter but there wasn't any hostility coming from the Potions bat.

**Hermione: Uh, okay, well, he-he wants to focus on the OWLs.**

**Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!**

"We are?" Dumbledore and Harry said at the same time. It was kind of odd thinking how that Dumbledore and the real one were almost complete opposites.

**Hermione: No, Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I-I think it's a ruse; a set-up and I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.**

**Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met.**

"I'm scarred for life now. Sexy and Snape don't belong in the same sentence unless not is involved!"

"Completely agreed there mate." Harry and Ron shook on the agreement while Dumbledore sighed as Hermione looked at him. He didn't actually think Snape was sexy but the fact remains he had a feeling his own sexuality would be made known soon.

**Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?**

**Snape: Oh why Professor Dumbledore, I just happen to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich. **(It's a bomb and has anyone else noticed the Potter Puppet Pal reference?)

**Dumbledore: Why thank you Severus! Do you see Granger, how thoughtful?**

**Snape: Here you are Professor, bomb appeti-oh I mean, bon appetite. (beep beep beep beep)**

**Hermione: Um, is that sandwich ticking?**

**Dumbledore: It looked like it's licking; finger-licking good.**

**Hermione: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich.**

**Dumbledore: What, Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you might even get a sandwich out of it. Granger, what the hell…GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**

**-Boom-**

**You done gone exploded my sandwich!**

"So, does this mean he's trying to kill me then in this thing?"

"Who knows…but Fred and George are never hearing of exploding sandwiches. That is just way too dangerous an idea for them."

**Hermione: I'm sorry sir!**

**Dumbledore: Hey, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup? (Hermione: Yes!) It's enchanted; whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the results would be bad.**

**Hermione: What do you mean bad?**

**Dumbledore: Try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.**

**Hermione: A total protonic reversal!**

**Dumbledore: Yeah,**

"What the hell is that?"

"Not an actual science…it's from a Muggle movie about ghosts."

**So you see, he has to compete and Hermione if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff so, um, I'll keep my eyes open but nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore. I gotta go make myself another sandwich though I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!**

**Hermione: Because it was a bomb…**

"I wonder, if they are playing off real events the audience knows? It's true that the last man to die was Cedric…what if they know our actual fourth year and audience gets the vibe?"

"So the actors are completely aware of everything that actually happened…that means they know how our lives are supposed to go or end."

**Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup Tournament but don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is.**

**Ron: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.**

"Now, that would have been an interesting fourth year, Ron why didn't you do that?"

"Because I was pissed at you but now that I think back, we could have used the Marauders' Map and scoped out the forest and lake and maze, couldn't we?"

**Harry: Alright, you're awesome.**

**Draco: Well, isn't this touching?**

**Ron: Oh my god, just butt out Malfoy!**

"Being carried by Goyle now Malfoy…pathetic!"

**Draco: My father and I have a bet you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts.**

**Harry: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?**

**Draco: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts.**

**Harry: Malfoy, don't act like you don't wanna talk about it. That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What's Pigfarts?**

**Draco: Pigfarts is only the greatest Wizarding School in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year.**

**Hermione: Malfoy, I've never heard of that.**

**Draco: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars.**

"And if Hermione doesn't knows it exists than it doesn't exist!" Ron and Harry agreed.

"Just because I don't know it doesn't mean it doesn't exist…"

"Hermione, when have you ever been wrong?"

"Shut it Ron."

**Harry: You know Malfoy, we're trying to have a conversation here so can you just leave us alone?**

**Draco: No, no, I'm not even here.**

**Harry: Anyway, I think I know how we can find out what the first task is…Dumbledore…**

**Draco: Dumbledore! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar.**

**Goyle: Rumbleroar!**

**Harry: Anways, as I was saying…**

**Draco: Rumbleroar's the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion, who can talk.**

**Harry: Malfoy,**

"A school on Mars where the Headmaster is a talking lion…they really are quite the weird ones aren't they?"

"I actually recognize that reference…it's Narnia! Oh, I can't believe they did that to it though!"

"Hermione…"

"Oh, Muggle novels about an imaginary land and such…don't worry about it Ron." He shook his head and just kept quiet.

**If you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here. What, you're not even eating, get out of here.**

**Draco: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say! We're the only ones in here.**

**Harry: Malfoy, just get out of here please?**

**Draco: Where are supposed to go?**

**Harry: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?**

"Oh, serious burn on Malfoy! I kind of like this me in a weird way…he's got witty comebacks!"

"Harry, I will hit you again like I did in the library…"

"I hate this guy, he's nothing like me." Harry bowed his head and Hermione smirked.

**Draco: Ha-ha, ha-ha, now you're just being cute.**

"Somebody bleach my ears! I just said Potter and cute in the same sentence without a negative!"

**I can't go to Pigfarts, it's on Mars. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do, you know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.**

"That was low Malfoy, even for you."

"It's not the first time I've insulted your dead parents Potter."

"It's the first time you've made a comment about how the only thing I was left was money because everything else was destroyed in the fire." Green eyes narrowed in on gray ones as Harry glared at the Slytherin.

**Look at this!**

"Why am I rolling on the floor and all over everyone?"

**Look at this. Look at it, Rocket Ship Potter! Oh, Oh, Starkid Potter! Moon Shoes Potter, traversing the galaxy in intergalactic travels to Pigfarts.**

"Malfoy, do you even get what you're character said?"

"Nope, I don't' understand a word of that Muggle garbage."

**Harry: That's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me but bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.**

**Draco: Whoa, not's so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!**

**Harry: Oh, so you're just let…**

**Goyle: Back Off!**

**Harry: Whoa, scary, scary…**

"The day that I'm scared of Goyle, is the day that Voldemort wears a pink tutu."

"Funny Potter…" The Dark Lord glared at the Gryffindor but the others had burst out laughing at the idea of him in a pink tutu.

**Draco: So, not's so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lolly-gagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend.**

**Hermione: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-Legs Jinx!**

"Finally, actual magic is happening!"

"That's not even the right incantation!"

"I think that's the point Miss Granger."

**Draco: Oh come one!**

**Hermione: Take it back Malfoy.**

**Draco: Take what back?**

**Hermione: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!**

**Ron: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true.**

**Hermione: And say you're sorry for calling me a You-Know-What.**

**Draco: I'm sorry…**

**Hermione: And you promise you'll never do it again?**

**Draco: I promise!**

**Hermione: Right, now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here. Bedsides, you already ate all my lunch.**

**Harry: Wow, thanks Hermione.**

**Hermione: Yeah, Unjellify!**

**Ron: That's like the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it, though. It was like all this pent-up aggression like rawr and…**

**Goyle: Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff. We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd.**

**Draco: I didn't mean what I said you know, Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding? Goyle?**

**Goyle: -sniff- No.**

"Did he really just sniff me?"

"This is brilliant! I love this thing, Slytherins are getting beat up, Gryffindors are obviously superior and Dumbledore is ghetto! Can I go there?"

"Ron, we already go to Hogwarts…"

"So?"

"Boys…"

**Draco: I thought maybe…maybe a little…Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud…whatever.**

**Goyle: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify.**

**Draco: Right, I'm not surprised. Come one, let's go watch **_**Wizards of Waverly Place.**_

"Oh look….the next video has Quirrell and Voldemort in it. This is gonna be good."


	6. AN

Hello!

I have the whole first musical written out for you guys! This is just a message to make sure you send me any mistakes you see or comment on how much you like/dislike where this is going. There are some OOC moments but I'm trying to keep in mind that they are also watching something that is a parody of their lives at Hogwarts.

I'll post the next couple chapters tomorrow night!

Love From,

Charmed-Star11


	7. Act 1 Scene 5

Act 1 Scene 5

**Quirrell: Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe; they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses…or should I say on the back of their heads?**

**Voldemort: -cool tongue thing-**

"That's Voldemort? But he's absolutely adorable!"

"Did you really just call my character adorable?"

"Yes I did!" The Weasley girl dared the Dark Lord to try something but he wisely stayed quiet as he noticed the same fire in her that Lily Potter had, the fire that helped her son survive.

**-cough- I can't breathe in that damn turban.**

**Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution, for if they knew you lived and when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on.**

**Voldemort: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest eating bugs and mushrooms and ugh, unicorn blood.**

**Quirrell: Until I found you and let yourself attach to my soul.**

**Voldemort: Yes, nobody must know any of that.**

"Too late, we knew all along…but was it nearly the Forbidden Forest?"

"Oh course, I would be stupid enough to live right under the nose of Albus Dumbledore and the Order for a decade. No, I lived in the Black Forest of Germany and travelled the whole time, until Quirrell came along and gave me the means of finally taking control again."

**Now, Quirrell, get me some water. Now Quirrell, pour it my mouth.**

"Did he really have to do that?" The kids were laughing at the pathetic excuse for a Dark Lord on screen.

"No, Granger, I was a tangible soul," Harry shivered at this, "and I needed only to attach myself to another living creature and their life fed my existence."

**Quirrell: You're plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege.**

**Voldemort: Yes-yes-yes, I'm done with the water. We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall.**

**Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, you sneezed.**

**Voldemort: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine!**

"This is completely horrible! I would never allow any of Death Eaters address me like this, they would be reminded of their station within seconds of even thinking these things! I can't tell you how many times I had to remind Quirrell that failure wasn't an option."

"Look where it got you."

**Wash that turban, it tickles my nose.**

**Quirrell: Yes my Dark King…**

"Haven't heard that one before…"

"Nor have I honestly and I'm not sure I like it. I prefer my liege or my Lord or Master."

"Whereas we call you Voldemort, Tom Riddle, and Snake face."

"Don't forget Fed and George's You-Know-Poo!"

"You insolent little brats, once my magic is back I will not hesitate to finally end your horrible teenage lives!"

**Voldemort: Okay, just relax with the Dark King okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point.**

"That's disgusting and yet funny all at once. Did you really watch him wipe his ass?"

"Only you would ask me that Ronald Weasley…no I could not watch him take care of himself."

**Quirrell: yes, yes my…Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close! I could of touched him.**

"Eww! That's just not right…what is it with your obsession of wanting to touch me all the time?"

"It tortures you with me having to put little if any effort and now I know it's because the part of soul within you is trying to reconnect with me. I don't feel a thing anymore."

"Bastard."

**Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it, it tastes like cool mints.**

**Quirrell: That's our Listerine Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: Yes, excellent. Well, goodnight Quirrell.**

**Quirrell: Goodnight.**

"Ha! So you were submissive to that piece of scum!"

"I was not submissive to him!"

"You're on the bottom! You're on the bottom!"

"Potter I know twenty different ways to torture your friends without even thinking too hard about it."

"Can't do anything as long as we are here." Harry stuck his tongue out at the Dark Lord!

**Voldemort: Okay-okay, I can't do this. We gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy.**

**Quirrell: So? I always sleep on my back; I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable.**

**Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll…I'll eat your pillow!**

"Because that is what true evil is."

**You'd be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing.**

**Quirrell: Fine we'll compromise. We'll sleep on our side.**

**Voldemort: Okay, I guess I can do this.**

**Quirrell: Now, goodnight.**

**Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell. Hey Quirrell?**

"Bloody hell you're as annoying here as you are in real life!"

"What sis this? Try and verbally slay the Dark Lord?"

"Eh, why not? You're powerless anyways."

"I still have Muggle means to kill you all and as far as I know Potter is the only one with actual survival skills that would make him a threat."

**How long have those robes been on that chair?**

**Quirrell: I think they're from last night. I just put them there for now.**

**Voldemort: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan for these?**

**Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the morning, okay?**

**Voldemort: Ah, no! No-no that's not okay! I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirty clothes on that chair. The chair's gonna start smelling like dirty clothes.**

**Quirrell: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning.**

**Voldemort: You put them away right now! I command you to get up and fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile.**

**Quirrell: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other.**

"Are you really arguing over dirty laundry?"

"Believe it or not, I like a clean environment."

"You walk in people's blood and don't' wear shoes. How does this constitute clean?"

**Now I've been single for all my life, I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around.**

**Voldemort: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and so do your clothes! Namely, a dresser! **

**Quirrell: Well, aren't we an odd couple?**

"Oh no, they're gonna sing!"

"Damn it! Why?"

**(singing) You won't sleep on your tummy.**

**Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back.**

**Both: We're quite the kooky couple you'll agree.**

**Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers.**

**Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers…**

**Both: We're just about as different as anyone can be.**

**Voldemort: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill.**

**Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!**

"This is just too good. Now every time I look at you, all I'll see is this guy singing!"

**Sipping tea by the fire is swell…**

**Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties.**

**Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise.**

"Wohoo! Go Quirrell!"

**Both: As anyone can see when you look at you and me, we're different-different as can be.**

**Voldemort: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of Lords.**

**Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here. I've won several awards!**

**Voldemort: My new world's about to unfold.**

**Quirrell: You got beat by a two year old.**

"Ha, this Quirrell has a pair!"

**Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through.**

**Quirrell: Or you just might give him another tattoo.**

"I guess it could be considered a tattoo. Would make my life easier to explain in the Muggle world if I told them it was a symbol for the cult I was involved in at school…"

"Don't even think about it Harry Potter!"

**Both: We really must agree when you look at you and me, we're different-different as can…**

**Voldemort: I'll rise again and I'll rule the world! But you must help me renew…for when our plan succeeds, (Quirrell: Prevails!) part of that world goes to you.**

**Quirrell: When I rule the world I'll plant flowers!**

**Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have snakes.**

**Quirrell: And gardens of flowers!**

**Voldemort: …and goblins and werewolves and a fleet of Dementors and giants and threstals and all my Death Eaters!**

**Both: When I rule the world! –evil laughter-**

"Wow, that was way too weird…"

"I do like his list of minions though, though the threstals are new and goblins would make magnificent decorators for my new empire…"

"NO one cares Voldemort…now shut it!"

"I say we all take a bathroom break and stretch since that was the end of part 5. Severus, Tom and I will remain here as you kids take care of your business." Harry, Ron and Draco moved the men's room while Hermione and Ginny walked off to the girls'.

"Bloody hell Potter, you and Weasley are really disrespecting the Dark Lord out there."

"Trust me, it's no different than normal. We've been inside each other's minds, we know what will affect the other." The boys finished and left to see that now the adults were leaving. Voldemort wasn't happy about it but the five teenagers waited for them to return so they could go to the next video.

"Ready?"


	8. Act 1 Scene 6

Act 1 Scene 6

**-Harry playing guitar with Hermione writing something-**

**Hermione: Harry, don't you think you should be trying to figure out the first task or something? You can actually die if you're not ready.**

"Thanks for the vote of confidence 'Mione."

"No problem Harry."

**Harry: What? Come on. I mean, can't you just do it for? Can't you just prepare all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?**

**Hermione: I'm writing your Potions essay.**

"If I find that Miss Granger has written any of your reports, I will gladly take off a point per word for every essay starting your first year."

"Nope, she just reads over them and helps us reword them." Harry was so glad he had never conned his best friend into writing that Draught of Living Death essay…

**Harry: Oh, well do that first 'cause that's due tomorrow. But after that, after that can you prepare for the first task please? You are the best (nose tap).**

"My threat still stands Harry James Potter."

**You got it, thanks Hermione. Hey Ginny, come here. I wanna show you something, come here.**

"Wow, I have an actual part now."

"You'll always have an actual part in my life Ginevra." Harry kissed her cheek and she giggled.

**Ginny: Hey Harry Potter,**

"Okay, kill me now if I'm like this the entire musical!"

"Gladly…" Harry glared at Voldemort as he just smirked at the threat.

**Harry: Listen, I wanna play you a song I'm working on. It's for a girl I really really like and I wanna let her know she's really special. So, I just wanna know what you think so just the purposes of now, 'cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm gonna put your name where her name should be…**

"It's not for me is it?"

"This Harry probably wrote it for Cho Chang, but just remember Ginny, he's wrapped around your finger, not hers."

"Hey!"

**I don't think it's really going to work out because…well…let me just give it a shot. (singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really-really skinny…Ginny.**

**I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Ginny.**

**I wanna take you to the city, gonna take you out to dinny, Ginny. You're cuter than a guinea pig, gonna take you up to Winnipeg, that's in Canada! Pretty Ginny, Gin… (talking) you know what…**

"Wow, I think I might like this song."

"_You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really-really skinny, Ginny. I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Ginny."_ Harry sung it softly into her hair and she blushed because oddly enough Harry could actually sing decently.

"Hey, stop it Potter, we want to watch this musical!"

**This doesn't work for me at all. I mean, I don't know, how does it make you feel, emotionally?**

**Ginny: Wow! Wow-e Harry Potter!**

**Harry: Don't you think it could, I don't know, make a girl fall in love with me?**

**Ginny: "I think it already has."** Ginny stared at herself on screen as they said it at the same time. She blushed as Harry kissed her head.

**Harry: Awesome, 'cause it's for Cho Chang.**

"And now you're a douche again. I wonder if they'll ever show your sensitive side in this thing?"

"Potter has a sensitive side?"

"Shut it Malfoy before I punch you in the nose and make you bleed." Draco pouted as he remembered his character from the Great Hall scene…

**Ginny: Oh yeah, she is beautiful.**

**Harry: What are you, nuts? Beautiful, more like super- mega-foxy- awesome-hot! She's the best girl I've ever met. She's more attractive, more appealing, far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends.**

"You are such a prat."

**Far more better and awesome… (guitar)**

**Ron: What's up Neville? (slap)**

**Neville: Ah!**

"Why am I always eating something?"

"No clue, but they obviously know you have the stomach equivalent to a black hole."

"I love yah too Hermione."

**Ron: Move-move-move-move-move-move-move, awesome, hey Harry what's up? So, I was just off stage, hanging out with Hagrid and I saw, uh, these delivery wizards bringing in giant cages into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for.**

"Does he realize he said off stage?"

"Probably, I seem to be pretty cool in this thing."

"In your dreams Weasley."

**Hermione: Giant cages, I better whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task. Harry we have to find out what it is.**

**Harry: Hey, hey guys, chill. I'm busy.**

**Hermione: Harry Potter…**

**Ron: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!**

**Ginny: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!**

**Ron: Whoa!**

**Hermione: Guys, now listen this could be a matter of life and death.**

"Go Hermione for being the brains of the group!"

**Ron: Well, it doesn't matter because it's after-hours, okay, and we can't leave Gryffindor House and we'll probably get in trouble if we do and even if we do, Shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us.**

**Hermione: Neville won't tell.**

**Neville: Oh yes I certainly will!**

"That is Neville from first year, definitely."

**Ron: So what're we going to do?**

**Hermione: It's simple guys, the Cloak.**

"Yes, the Cloak is in play!"

"Now if they had the map, life would be ten times better!"

"Potter, Weasley, Granger, what map and cloak?"

"Uh, nothing Professor Snape!" The four Gryffindors smirked at the inside secret because nothing would ever get them to tell that.

**Ron: Of course,**

**All Four: The Cloak.**

**Ginny: Wait what cloak?**

**Ron: Shut up!**

**Harry: When I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present, oh bye Neville, I got a present left to me at my first year at Hogwarts and, uh, it was left to me by my dad, my dad's that dead. My father is dead. It's from my dead father.**

"I think I like this Harry too."

"My father was twice then man you'll ever be."

**My Invisibility Cloak!**

"No! You have that wretched thing?"

"Yup."

**Ginny: Wow, oh boy wow-e Harry Potter, you have a real Invisibility Cloak. Oh-oh-oh-oh, you know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?**

**Harry: I would, I would kick wiener dogs.**

**Ron: I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare people.**

**Hermione: I would sue it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror.**

"Wow, none of those are us, well, except maybe Ron's, which we have done before…"

"Potter…"

"What, Peeves was going to catch us so I pretended to be the Bloody Baron and it worked!"

"No way…"

**Harry: That's emotional.**

**Ginny: Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at my funeral.**

"That's not morbid at all…"

"You are never allowed to even think of dying." Harry pulled her into his lap again and held her close while his chin rest on her head.

**Harry: Okay, anyway, let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom.**

**Ron: Who-whoa-whoa-whoa, where do you think you're going?**

**Ginny: Um, with you guys?**

**Ron: No, no way, no kid sisters allowed, okay? Besides, there's only enough room under this cloak for two people so, um, come one Hermione, come on.**

"I'm sorry Gin, in real life the cloak can fit all of us but Ron since he's so tall."

"Hey, that's not my fault!"

"So?"

**Ginny: (singing) The way his hair falls in his eyes makes me wonder if he'll ever see through my disguise and I'm under his spell. Everything has fallen, and I don't know where to land. Everyone knows who he is but they don't know who I am. Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me?**

**I've seen you conquer certain death. Even when you're just standing there, you take away my breath, and maybe someday you'll hear my song and understand that all along there's something more that I'm trying to say!**

**When I say Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me? What you're doing to me…**

"Oh, Ginny, that was adorable!" Hermione was giddy as Harry held her a little closer to him.

"I do notice now."

"The videos are getting a little shorter, the next one isn't even six minutes long!"

"They seem to be going by scenes though."


	9. Act 1 Scene 7

Act 1 Scene 7

**Quirrell: Master, Master, the shipments for the first task of the tournament have just arrived!**

**Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell, I hear everything that you hear.**

**Quirrell: Isn't it wonderful Master, we made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the Cup and soon he will be ours.**

**Voldemort: Yes, it's really happening, isn't it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going so well I fell like maybe we should celebrate. What do yah say Quirrell? How's about we go out? I hear its karaoke night down at the Hogshead.**

**Quirrell: I don't' know, I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind.**

**Voldemort: Come on Quirrell, you've been working so hard all year. You deserve a night off.**

**Quirrell: But the papers…**

"If he had ever tried to deny me like that I would have brought him to his knees within seconds!"

**Voldemort: Oh just give them all B-'s and be done with it!**

"That's horrible!"

"Only for you Hermione and the Ravenclaws, the rest of us would be happy to have a high grade."

**Quirrell: Now that's evil.**

**Voldemort: Yeah, Yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks and we'll try to pick up some chicks.**

**Quirrell: I wouldn't know what to say I'm no good at that.**

**Voldemort: Come one, it'll be fun. You just move your lips and I'll do the talking. -Quirrell makes noise- Quirrell, man live a listen! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head, literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a bit of fun every once in a while. You deserve this.**

"Oh my, he actually…"

"I noticed it too Hermione…"

"That's so wrong and yet so cute!"

"What?"

**Quirrell: Well, if you put it that way, then yeah, let's just go wild tonight!**

**Voldemort does tongue thing.**

"That's hilarious!"

"Can you actually do that from now on?"

"If I had magic right now…"

**Voldemort: That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic. Quirrell, we're gonna get you laid.**

"EWWW!"

"Oh, trust me, the female Death Eaters…"

"GROSS!"

**Seriously man, back when I had a body, woo, I had mad game with the bitches; just ask Bellatrix Lestrange.**

All the teens faked puking in their mouths while Draco looked like he would pass out. That was completely disgusting, and with his aunt of all things!

"Now that would be a truly horrible sight."

**Ron: Well, um, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be.**

**Hermione: Sh! Someone's coming.**

**Draco: Did you just hear something?**

**Goyle: No, only quiet, maybe one raindrop.**

**Draco: Doesn't matter, tell me Goyle, who do think is the ugliest girl in school?**

**Goyle: Uh, Buckbeak for sure.**

"Too bad the hippogriff is a boy."

**Draco: Crabbe?**

**Crabbe: Winky the House Elf.**

**Draco: Good one, obscure! Care who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger. Do you know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten, with one-one being the ugliest and ten pretty, I would give her an eight. An eight point five, a nine, but not over a nine point eight!**

"You think I'm almost perfect?"

"I think my brain has become flobberworm mucus."

**There is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect, like me, it's why I am holding out for a ten because I'm worth it. Come on, let's go.**

**Harry: Wow, what a bunch of jerks.**

**Hermione: Alright, forget them, where di you say you saw those crates being delivered?**

**Ron: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so it should be at the end of this hallway to the left.**

"Oh god, this is horrible."

"Hey Draco, I wanna see you try and summarize your life at Hogwarts into a musical."

**Harry: Look!**

**Hermione: A goat?**

**Harry: A goat, oh my god, I have to fight a goat. I don't think I can do that morally.**

"If only it as a goat…then I wouldn't have been nearly killed by that stupid dragon."

**Snape: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time Headmaster.**

**Dumbledore: Feeding time, dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!**

**Harry: Did he just say dragons?**

"Damn, stupid dragons…"

**Snape: Did you just say did he just say dragons?**

**Dumbledore: I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to shut up, Potter.**

"Oh, you just dissed Potter!"

**Snape: Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?**

**Dumbledore: Oh Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow.**

**Snape: Well that's absurd.**

**Dumbledore: Severus, let's go to bed. Have you ever seen my room, I have some pretty kicking posters on my wall.**

**Snape: Well, I am rather tired.**

"To think we thought that Voldemort and Bellatrix was bad…that's just wrong on so many levels…"

"Ron, you're not a homophobe are you?"

"Nope, just disgusted at the idea that our favorite Headmaster who is like 150 seems to be sexually interested in the greasy bat of the dungeons who is like 40."

"That will be enough Mr. Weasley."

"Sorry Professor."

**Harry: Ah man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid?**

"I'm definitely not sitting on a little kid right now." Harry blushed pink as Hermione laughed and Ron choked.

**Ron: Well alright, maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or like…I don't know, maybe like Puff the Magic Dragon or something.**

"That would have made my life easier to the max!"

"What are those dragons?"

"Cartoons that are ridiculously small and harmless."

**Hermione: Ron, this is serious, okay? Harry will die. Now look, there's still time alright, we just need to figure out a plan.**

**Harry: Okay, we'll just head back to the Common Room, wait, where's the Invisibility Cloak?**

**Ron: I threw it over on that magical walking chair…oh.**

"Ron, you ever lose my Cloak and I will not hesitate to turn you into a soprano."

**Harry: That's gonna be an issue, yeah.**

"Okay, next video…I see Voldemort and Quirrell."


	10. Act 1 Scene 8

Act 1 Scene 8

**Voldemort is laughing drunkenly.**

"You are completely trashed!"

"I'll have you know I've never been inhibited my entire life."

"You're funny drunk."

**Quirrell: I thought walking home drunk was hard before.**

**Voldemort: We should have realized that with both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk. Hey Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, you remember that girl you were talking, you remember that girl you were talking to while I was talking to her sister on my side?**

**Quirrell: Oh, so that's why she freaked out when we stood up. **

**Both: Because she didn't know that we were one person!**

"You two are awesome drunk."

The kids burst out laughing as they watched the two actors bend over each other laughing on screen. It was the funniest thing they had seen them do yet.

**Quirrell: You know I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick's Death Day Party of '91.**

"Those are not fun at all."

**Voldemort: I haven't had this much fun since, yeah shit I can't ever remember having this much fun!**

"Oh, I can think of a couple of times…"

**Quirrell: You never had fun, ever doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil?**

**Voldemort: Yeah, maybe, definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods make me sick to my stomach but uh, yeah I guess you could be right I guess. I mean it's kind of funny.**

"Oh I'm not evil, I'm just trying to purify this filthy world."

"Shut it your evil."

**Quirrell: What is it Voldemort?**

**Voldemort: Oh it's just that I never-never ever really ever considered another reason for me being so evil because normally I just kill people that try to get me to open up you now. Oops! It's kinda nice to just talk.**

**Quirrell: You know I have to admit that I was kind of nervous when you demanded to attack yourself to my soul.**

"With good reason to young man, with good reason."

**Voldemort: Yeah, I could sense that.**

**Quirrell: But like, now I think it's…kinda cool. It's like having a really close roommate or even a…**

**Voldemort: Yeah, like a slave, like a, like a Death Eater.**

**Quirrell: No man,**

"I'm getting sick just watching this."

**It's like having a friend.**

**Voldemort: I've never had a friend before.**

**Quirrell: Looks like you got one now.**

**Voldemort: Who would have thought at the beginning of this year we would feel like this towards each other? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?**

**Quirrell: I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me. We're different, different as can be.**

**Both: we simply guarantee when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be.**

**Quirrell: It's a comedy of sorts, when you're bound to Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: And I'm happy as squirrel, as long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell.**

"Ha!" The teens were unable to breathe they were laughing so hard at the drunk Voldemort.

**Both: We'll lead him to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter. We're different, different, different-different as can be.**

**Voldemort: Ah ha!**

"Wow, we're on nine already. Act 1 is how long?"

"It's fourteen videos long so including this one we have six left before we finish eh first act."

"How long is the second act?"

"It's nine videos so about this long."

"Okay, not too bad but then we have whole other sequel to watch children."

_Voldemort will also be leaving after this musical._

"Yes! We get rid of Voldemort!"

"Not permanently Potter since I know you're keeping me alive if I'm ever destroyed again, I get to hunt you down and do what I please…"

_So you think Tom Riddle, because after you leave here your memories are being completely destroyed of this event unless you make the changes I've been seeing in you permanent!_

"Well, look at that Voldemort, you have to make a decision."


	11. Act 1 Scene 9

Act 1 Scene 9

**Snape: The Hogwarts Champions shall now enter the champions' tent in preparation for the first task.**

"We want this guy!"

**Harry: Man, I can't believe I gotta skip lunch period for this stupid task.**

"I agree, skipping lunch definitely sucks."

**Hermione: Hey Harry, today's the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes that I wrote for you on dragons?**

**Harry: No.**

"I bet he didn't read them because they were too boring."

**Hermione: Why not?**

**Harry: You kidding me, they were so boring.**

"I win!"

**Hermione: So you didn't prepare at all?**

**Harry: No, but at least I have my wand…um dropped my…**

**Hermione: Here Harry.**

"I did not just forget the most important thing ever in my life."

"I think you just did."

**Harry: Hey, (nose tap) you're the best.**

**Hermione: Harry, just please don't die today. I don't wanna see my best friend get eaten by a dragon.**

**Harry: Okay, relax, okay save the tears for my funeral.**

"Ah, Harry and Hermione had a sibling moment!"

"We have them all the time."

**Cedric: So tell me more about this Pigfarts, I find it to be very interesting.**

**Draco: Well, while you're there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times because there's no atmosphere on Mars.**

"What's an atmosphere?"

"It's the air surrounding the Earth, held together by gravity's pull."

**So, if the single docking bay door opens, you'll probably die.**

**Cedric: My, how dreadful**

"Does this guy always smile?" Ron laughed but Malfoy took it to the next level.

"I don't know but I find his use find to be highly annoying." The other teens laughed, making Draco feel some more acceptances into their group.

**Draco: Well, but the goods is, if you're a good house student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back.**

**Cedric: And he's the Headmaster Lion?**

The students had to laugh at the Slytherin and Hufflepuff. It was inconceivable for them to ever talk!

**Draco: Who can talk.**

**Cedric: Oh, well hello Harry how are you feeling today?**

"I hate this guy….he's to proper."

**Harry: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive.**

**Cedric: Well good, I'm a fine day myself. Miss Granger.**

**Hermione: Hello.**

**Cho: Sugar Pie!**

**Cedric: My darling.**

All the students gagged and then laughed at each other. Voldemort was detesting this while Snape looked as revolted as he did.

**Was that a kiss for good luck?**

**Cho: No, that was being so cotton-picking cute! This one's for good luck.**

"EWWWW!"

**Harry: (mutters) I hate that guy.**

**Hermione: It's okay Harry, you're gonna be great.**

**Dumbledore: Hello-OW! God Granger, I thought you were a boggart. I'm terrified of those things.**

"I'm sorry Miss Granger." Hermione just shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

**And what the hell are you doing in the champions' tent, get out of here. Ten more points!**

**Harry: Thanks Hermione!**

"How many points have I lost us?"

"I think we're up to almost 100."

"Wow, I have never lost points like that."

**Dumbledore: Are you kids ready to (singing) fight a dragon?**

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

**Of course not, you're just children. What the hell I'm thinking? Outside of this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans. They'll either be cheering for you or the dragon but either way they're gonna be making some kind of noise. So, in order for the selection process to be fair, I am going to randomly select a card-board cut-out sized version of the dragon you will competing. For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon.**

"What the hell is this? I'm gonna have to fight Mushu after all!"

**Pigment the Imaginary Dragon (Cho), the Reluctant Dragon (Draco), and for you Potter…the Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying you've ever seen you're whole life. (Harry freaks out a little)**

"Nope, they are staying true and you get to fight the worst dragon in existence."

"That is one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen…I mean could you imagine if a dragon actually looked like that?" Everyone shivered a bit.

**If there are no complaints than I'll…**

**Harry: Hold on a second! This is terrifying, those are the cutest things I've ever seen.**

**Dumbledore: (Pigment the Imaginary Dragon) This thing is horrifying, just use your imagination.**

"If you had actually said that to me I think I would have attacked you Professor."

"I would have expected you to Harry."

**Disapparate!**

**Ron: My god, this competition is gonna suck all these dragon are whimps, Accio Double-Stuff. Look at that, OH MY GOD! A MONSTER!**

"Thanks Ron, you should have been there when I first pulled it out."

"Do you still have that little thing Harry?"

"Yeah, I actually take care of it and everything…it's kind of like having a gerbil that breathes fire."

**Is that yours?**

**Harry: Hm, yup.**

**Ron: Oh my god, it's awesome can I hold it? (takes the dragon) Oh my god, this thing is terrifying, I hope the real thing is smaller. Argh! Ferocious, what are you gonna do?**

"Ha! Ron, if we hadn't been fighting, I think you would have done something similar."

"Probably, though I remember when you showed the little version…"

"That was a really good trip…" The two Professors eyed them and they shut up.

**Harry: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this…**

**Hermione: Ron, Ron you can't be in here. This is the champions' tent.**

**Snape: Miss Granger, what the devil are you doing in the champions' tent, ten points from Gryffindor.**

**Ron and Harry: Ugh, thanks Hermione.**

**Ron: Hey, good luck buddy, bye Snape.**

**Snape: Bye…**

"When have we ever been tight with Snape?"

"No idea but it'll never happen, ugh."

**Cedric Diggory, now is your chance to face your dragon.**

**Cedric: Alright fellas, wish me luck.**

"As long as we don't have to kiss you, you can have all the luck you want Cedric."

"What if it would have saved his life?"

"That's a scenario I never want to contemplate."

**Cho: I believe in you.**

**Cedric: That's all I needed to hear.**

**Harry: Malfoy, tell you what? I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me, I'll give you that opportunity. Come on, com on.**

**Malfoy: Um, let think about…no.**

"Yes, I got one on Potter!"

**Harry: Come on, I'll give you my Gushers.**

**Malfoy: Oh no, no, I have a Fruit By the Foot, I don't want Gushers.**

**Snape: Cho Chang, your dragon a waits.**

**Cho: Well, I can imagine that this'll be very hard.**

**Snape: Then I imagine it won't. (both laugh and skip off stage)**

"Snape just skipped and giggled!"

"That's too good."

"A thousand points from you for making fun of my character…"

_Sorry, any points taken won't actually effect the school Severus._

"Damn it…"

"Points to us!"

**Harry: Malfoy, come on, I'll throw in my Teddy Grams with the Gushers, you can make little Gusher-Teddy Gram sandwiches.**

**Draco: Um, alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you got yourself a deal.**

**Harry: Absolutely not, no way.**

"What?"

"I WOULD HAVE SO SAID YES!"

"Ha ha Potter…"

**Snape: Draco Malfoy…**

**Harry: Professor Snape, is there any way that I can forfeit or switch dragons or even just take the day off? What are you doing?**

**Snape: I'm protecting you Potter. Welsh Green Backs can't stand the taste of Heintz tomato ketchup.**

**Harry: But I'm not fighting a Welsh Green Back, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail.**

**Snape: Oh, why silly me, Heintz tomato ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love best of all. There you go Potter.**

**Harry: What?**

"AH, he just grabbed my ass!"

"Really, I should have tried that…" The children all looked at Snape and he grinned nastily.

**Dumbledore: And now Harry Potter will fight the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying thing you'll ever see your whole life. It should be noted that this particular dragon hasn't been fed in two weeks.**

**Hermione: Come on Harry.**

**Ron: Harry! Woo!**

"There is an actual dragon behind me!"

"Bloody hell! It ate you!"

**Hermione: Harry, HARRY!**

**Harry: AHHH! (everyone is screaming as the dragon tries to eat Harry) Oh my god, uh uh, Accio Guitar!**

"The guitar really? I would have been more like, oh I don't know, Stupefy!"

**(singing) Hey Dragon, you don't' gotta do this. Let's reevaluate our options, throw away our old presumptions 'cause really you don't wanna go through with this. I'm really not that special, the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone. The truth is in the end, I'm pretty useless without friends; in fact I'm alone, just like now…but anyhow, I spend my time at school trying to be this cool guy I never asked for. I don't know any spells, still manage to do well but there's only so long that can last for. I'm living off the glory of some stupid children's story that I had nothing to do with. I just sat there and got lucky so level with me buddy, I can't defeat thee, so please don't eat me. All I can do is sing this song for you, la-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Both: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: You never asked to be a dragon. I never asked to be a champion! We both just jumped on this bandwagon, when all we need is guitar jamming.**

**Harry: So la-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Harry: La-la-la-la-la!**

**Dragon: La-la-la—la—la-la…**

**Harry: Goodnight Dragon. **

"If only it had been that easy!"

"Wow, that song was oddly true…"

"It's why one of the reasons I left you with your aunt and uncle, so you didn't grow up with the expectations of this world on your shoulders so young."

**1-2-3 I beat the dragon! (cheers)**

"That's the end of this video."

"I say we do lunch then continue." Everyone agreed and Ron even pushed Harry towards the kitchen.

"You have people to feed Harry!"

"Ron, I can purposely poison your food…"

"You do and I'll murder you myself."

"Prat."

"Git."

"Ginger."

"Four eyes."

"How does that compare to no soul?"

"No idea but get cooking!" Hermione just laughed at their antics while Draco looked surprised that they had actually insulted each other. Harry ended up cooking them all grilled cheese and tomato soup. Ron was in heaven because Harry had made enough to even fill his stomach.

"Harry, wonders never cease, you filled Ron up."

"That's because I know Ron. Who wants dish duty?" Harry had made it clear this morning that if he cooked, he didn't clean. Dumbledore smiled at him.

"Draco and I will Harry, you and the others go set up the next video." Draco looked at the Headmaster with a look of horror on his face while the others exited and set up the video.

In the kitchen, Dumbledore watched as Draco scowled and grimaced at every instant.

"Mr. Malfoy, what is your problem?"

"Professor, this is house elf work! No decent wizard should be doing this."

"I'll have you know that at one point every wizard did this. Your godfather did, your ancestors did, and even myself and Lord Voldemort have washed dishes." Draco knew the old fool was trying to get him to realize something but Draco was just realizing his hands were doing to be dry after this.

"You know, you tease Harry but this is all he knew. He was practically a human house elf." Draco hadn't thought of that. Potter did say he had chores that would include this.

"We're ready you two are done." They were done oddly enough and so they went back out, with Draco being thoughtful, and started the next video.


	12. Act 1 Scene 10

Act 1 Scene 10

**Snape: Attention all Hogwarts students, tonight is the Yule Ball so please pick me your Yule Ball Wreathe and give it to that special someone. (Ginny walks on) Ah, Ginger!**

"Ugh, first Harry and Ron and now you!"

**Ginny: Oh, hey Harry Potter!**

**Harry: Oh hey Ginny.**

**Ginny: Fancy seeing you here?**

**Harry: Uh it's the cafeteria so yeah…**

**Ginny: Um, so the Yule Ball is coming up..**

**Harry: Yeah, I know it is, very soon.**

**Ginny: Well, were you thinking of going with anybody?**

Ginny crawled back into Harry's lap and he wrapped his arms around her. He knew this scene way too well already.

**Harry: I was! I was actually just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think, I think that time is about now. So, if you have something to say just say it.**

**Ginny: -Scream-**

**Harry: Oh, is this for me? Ah, how did you know I would need a wreathe so I could ask Cho Chang out, you're the best!**

Harry felt his girlfriend grasped his shirt tightly and snuggle into him closer. He kissed her head but knew this part was inevitable as soon as Snape had said –Yule Ball.-

**Ginny: Uh, Harry Potter, just forget it. (goes off crying)**

**Harry: Alright I will! Cool!**

"Ginny, I would have never done that…ow!" Hermione had hit him in the head.

"What?"

"That's for earlier this year and being a complete teaspoon."

**Hey, hey Cho Chang listen, um I know the Yule Ball is come up and I was wondering if uh, maybe you wanted to go with me BUT just in case you're kind of on the fence about it, you should know that I play guitar and I beat a dragon's heart with it and so I think I can conquer yours. (singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really really skinny, Cho Chang! I'm the Mickie to your Minnie, the Tigger to my Winnie, Cho Chang! You're cuter than a guinea pig, gonna take you out to Winnipeg that's in Canada! Oh Cho Chang! (normal) whatever.**

"If that bitch ever hits on you again I will personally show her why gingers don't have souls…"

**Cho: oh my, Harry Potter, bless your heart. Um, but I have to say no. You're a young strapping boy but Cedric Diggory already asked me and I have to go with him. Sorry. Come one girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her because she can't go!**

**Friends: Yeah! (all leave)**

**Ron: Hey there little buddy how yah doing?**

**Harry: Hey…**

**Ron: Is that a Yule Ball wreathe?**

**Harry: Yeah…**

**Ron: Who you gonna ask? (does weird female accent)**

"Wow, you are actually not a dim whit."

**Harry: I asked Cho Chang but she turned me down for Cedric Stupory.**

**Ron: That's so great I love him so much. They're such a cute couple…**

**Harry: No, no, no, no…**

**Ron: I hate him (Harry: Yeah), I hate him so much. Oh my god he pisses me off.**

"Thanks buddy, I got your back too!"

**Ah man, that sucks dude, I don't know why she'd turn you down you're the coolest guy in school!**

**Harry: I get it, I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter, I'm awesome.**

**Ron: Reesie's Pieces?**

**Harry: Yeah.**

"You two are Fred and George….it's horrible."

"I am the son and godson of two Marauders and the third is my honorary uncle."

"I have also been influenced by 2 of those Marauders and we live with Fred and George."

**I don't get it man, maybe I'll just go stag.**

**Ron: Well, I'll probably go stag too. The only two girls I know who don't have dates are Ginny (thumbs down)**

"Just remember I love you Ginny."

**And Hermione.**

**Harry: Oh my god, (thumbs down big time).**

Both Gryffindor boys had the nerve to look nervous as both girls glared at them. Harry was especially scared since one of those dangerous women was curled up on his lap.

**Ron: Yeah and I'm not going with my stupid sister.**

**Harry: And I think of Hermione as a sister so that's out.**

**Ron: We are in such a puzzle.**

"At least I'm not a last resort…"

"But if we ever catch you doing this we'll skin you."

**Neville: Hi, look at these strapping young men.**

"Neville sounds so gay!"

**Both: Hey Neville.**

**Harry: Hey Neville, want this Yule Ball Wreathe?**

**Neville: Yeah, if you feel like parting with it, then I will take this wreathe.**

**Harry: Hey Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid, teach us how to dance and we can get in our dress robes.**

**Ron: that can only lead to disaster and hilarity, let's go!**

**Harry: I just don't know about Hermione, I mean, who would want to go with her? She's so vile and hideous…**

Hermione actually slapped them both across the face. Ginny had ducked before getting hit and she was fuming.

"We really don't think Hermione…."

"Honestly woman, are you insane?"

"I'm quite enjoying this…ah!" Draco was also attacked quickly before Dumbledore stood and laid a hand on her shoulder. She immediately felt embarrassed but she still glared at them as she sat back down.

**Goyle: Give that plant nerd!**

**Neville: Ah!**

**Goyle: Ooo, Goyle rules!**

**Draco: So anyways, it was reluctant to move at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face, lassoed it with my Fruit by the Foot and beheaded it with a quick Slicing Charm. What, Goyle, what're you doing with that wreathe, what you're gonna ask somebody to the Yule Ball?**

**Goyle: No…dancing's for nerds.**

**Crabbe: and pretty girls.**

**Draco: Right, you know the last girl I'd end up asking to the Yule Ball would be? That Hermione Granger, not even if we were the last two people on Earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown so that every time I looked at her I got butterflies in my tummy. Not even then…**

"I am getting tired of being picked on!"

"Just think, we actually love you and Malfoy's an ass so you can do what you want to him."

"Works for me and when we get back to Hogwarts, I'm so making you pay."

**You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts.**

"Again with this damn Pigfarts! It doesn't exist!"

**All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs.**

**Goyle: Dancing is for pansies.**

**Draco: Hey you there what's your name?**

"Haven't seen her before…"

**Girl: Pansy.**

**Draco: Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me.**

"Finally, my own girlfriend is in this bloody thing."

"Gross Malfoy she looks like a pig that was bleached and given Snape's hair."

"And you look like Muggle trash so we're even."

**You see that dragon? Well, it was reluctant enough at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face…**

**Quirrell: Yule Ball decorating crew! Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through. Last minute decorations…my Lord, the Yule Ball has finally arrived. I've brought the key!**

**Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell, I hear everything you Hear!**

**Quirrell: I'm sorry.**

**Voldemort: No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped.**

"Someone make this a holiday…Voldemort actually apologized!"

**I'm just nervous, that's all.**

"Two holidays! He's being human too!"

**Quirrell: Nervous, (Voldemort: No) why?**

**Voldemort: I don't wanna talk about it.**

**Quirrell: Hey, it's just me. You can tell me anything, you know that.**

"He's so adorable when he's not trying to kill you Harry."

**Voldemort: Yeah, yeah you're right, you're right. I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I want everything to go perfectly, you know.**

**Quirrell: Don't worry, we've mapped out everything. We've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it. We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him. So just cool down, relax. By the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back.**

**Voldemort: You're right, I'm being silly. But you know, Quirrell over the last year I've really grown attached to you, no pun intended.**

**Quirrell: Yeah, I know what you mean.**

"Oh, they are such a cute couple…I wonder what Voldemort looks like really without make-up…"

"I'm right here Mudblood." Hermione shut up as Voldemort glared at her. She gulped and scooted closer to Harry. Ron moved a bit so she was snug in between them and glared at the powerless Dark Lord.

**But hey, we'll still hang out. Just because we won't be attached doesn't mean we'll be two completely different people, no pun intended.**

**Voldemort: Oh no, of course not! Quirrell, we should make plans...(Quirrell: Evil Plans?) Oh! Uh, no casual plans like um, we could go rollerblading on a Saturday and then see a movie that night.**

"That sounds oddly like a date."

"Potter, I have no qualms resorting to knives if need be."

"I'll believe it when you aren't up against the most powerful wizard of this age and four healthy and agile teenagers."

**Quirrell: Yeah, that'll be great because we'll both be able to watch it for a change.**

**Voldemort: Yeah, yeah, I bet it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds, not have someone behind you all the time.**

**Quirrell: And have the privacy of my old life back again, solitude.**

"You poor guys, it's all going to be fine."

"Hermione, if it's going to be fine I'll be dead."

"Always the pessimist Harry…"

**Voldemort: Know, whatever happens tonight, man, it's been a blast.**

**Quirrell: Yeah, one crazy year! (Voldemort does weird tongue thing) Hey, promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie.**

**Voldemort: Oh man, I promise. (Quirrell hugs himself)**

"Hermione just stay quiet this once." She huffed but saw the Voldemort was fuming and that his eyes seemed more red than normal.

**Okay, Quirrell, let's go plant that key and split, pun intended!**

**Snape: Oh why professor Quirrell, what on earth are you doing in the Great Dance Hall, just moments before the dance?**

**Quirrell: Just decorating for the Yule Ball, last minute decorations, just one final touch…**

**Snape: A ladle?**

**Quirrell: A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch.**

**Snape: What's so special about it?**

**Quirrell: Let's just say there's Squirt in it.**

**Snape: Squirt! Isn't that not the favorite drink of one Harry Potter?**

"It is?"

"It is?" The rest of the room looked at Harry and he shook his head.

"I have no idea what Squirt even is."

**Quirrell: Is it? I had no idea. Well, we'd better be going (Snape: We?) I! I better be going loud music hurts my ears.**

**Snape: Okay well I'll see you later than.**

**Quirrell: Maybe you won't.**

**Snape: Or maybe I will.**

**Dumbledore: Excuse me, it's my fault, hey Severus!**

**Snape: Oh Headmaster.**

**Dumbledore: What're you doing here? You getting some punch or something?**

**Snape: Oh no, no, no, there's Squirt in it.**

**Dumbledore: Oh, only Harry Potter would drink that hog's shit, I'll stick to my Red Bull, thank you very much.**

"I wouldn't suggest it. It tastes as bad as it smells and you crash like a plane after the fact."

**Snape: Well goodnight Headmaster.**

**Dumbledore: Severus, I saved this last dance for you.**

**Snape: Oh well I would Headmaster but you see, well an old friend is coming back into town tonight. (giggles)**

"So this Snape is a lying son-of-a…"

"Mr. Weasley if you finish that sentence I'll have you doing lines for three hours in the neatest print you can manage."

"That was the end of that…hey look , we're nearing the end of Act 1!"

"Not too shabby, well, let's keep going then."


	13. Act 1 Scene 11

Act 1 Scene 11

**Harry: Hey Ron what's up?**

**Ron: Hey dude, guess…**

**Harry: What, what's wrong?**

**Ron: Nothing, nothing it's just, you know, I heard Pavarti Padtil telling Padma Padtil that she had seen Hermione in the girls' locker room crying her eyes out in a bathroom stall.**

**Harry: Crying?**

"There aren't any trolls are there?"

"I don't think so."

**Ron: I don't know isn't that like the saddest thing you've ever heard? I mean, I don't it's just that it was inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would ever like her, you know because of her obnoxious personality, her ugly face and her misshapen body but you know, it's just that I figured she'd get in at least one night of happiness before she realized she's gonna be growing old alone, you know?**

**Draco: Hey you two over here talking about Granger?**

"They are really taking me apart aren't they?"

"Hermione, you are not obnoxious, nor are you ugly or misshapen. I'm pretty sure there a few younger students who think you're quite the charmer if you weren't protected by Ron and Harry."

"Thanks Ginny."

**Harry: Get out of here, this is none of your business. Why don't you go dance with Pansy over there?**

**Draco: Hey, go get me some punch.**

**Pansy: Okay, um I should tell you there's Skirt in it.**

**Harry: Oh, nice!**

**Draco: Squirt? Never mind I'll stay dehydrated. Go powder your nose or something.**

**Pansy: I just fixed my make-up a little while ago.**

**Draco: Trust me, you need more powder. Pain in the ass right?**

"I agree with the powder thing but if you're dating a girl, you never tell her that!"

"You're such the expert are you Potter?"

"He has gotten the two most sought-after women to date him Malfoy. Cho and Ginny are pined after in the school." Harry smirked at Malfoy's face as Ginny smugly kissed Harry neck, making him shiver.

"I also have the most eligible bachelor as my boyfriend, well, not so much a bachelor anymore."

**So anyway, heard Granger's not around here, probably better too, no one would be able to keep their hummus and peach juice with that Muggle arse of hers dancing about.**

**Ron: God, why don't you just give her a break for once okay Malfoy?**

**Draco: Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush?**

Both Hermione and Ron blushed as they looked at each other. They did but they weren't sure how comfortable they would be with taking their friendship to the next level.

**Weasley: No, no why all the insults Malfoy? Covering up a crush?**

**Draco: Oh right, like I could ever have a crush on that stupid girl…**

**Cho: Oh my god, she looks beautiful bless her heart!**

"Not as big of a transformation as the real Yule Ball."

"Thanks Harry."

**Ron: (singing) Here I am, face-to-face, with a situation I never thought I'd ever see. Strange, how a dress can make a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me.**

"Aw, Ron, you're too cute!"

"Harry, don't ever call me cute again."

**It seems like my eyes have been transfigured, something deep inside has changed. They've been opened wide but hold that trigger! This could mean…danger. I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger.**

"Aw, Ron…you're being so sweet!" Ron took the pillow and threw it at his sister but it ended up hitting his best friend instead. Harry just laughed and tossed it back to him.

**Draco: What, what the hell is this? You expect me to sing about her, I don't care about her! It's just a little make-up, Draco wake up! I'm mistaken…**

"Oh, this is too good! Malfoy has a crush on Hermione!"

"Gross, Harry, just gross."

"Sorry 'Mione."

**She is the hottest girl I've ever seen. Now she's like a girl I've never seen , don't know why I'd ever be so mean. This could mean, danger. I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger.**

The kids were laughing at the Slytherin Prince's embarrassment. Hermione looked at Draco and tried to speak clearly.

"Why does it appear to be so dangerous to fall in love with me?"

"No idea 'Mione, I wouldn't know."

"Shut it Harry."

**Both: I wanna let her know (Draco: I feel so queasy.)**

**Both: But I can't let it show (Ron: She's laugh, poor Weasley.)**

**Both: Come one**

**Ron: Ron**

**Draco: Draco**

**Both: You've gotta let it go. You gotta let it go!**

**(next couple lines are together)**

**Ron: Here I am face-to-face with a situation I never, ever thought I'd see. Strange, how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me! It seems like my eyes have been transfigured. Something deep inside has changed. They've been opened wide but hold that trigger.**

The kids all couldn't contain themselves when the Malfoy on screen tried to hide a non-existent erection.

"This is just too good!"

**Draco: What, what the hell is this? I want to sing about her, sing about her. I want to make up, Draco wake up! I've been mistaken. She is the hottest girl I've ever seen. Now, cause she's like a girl I've never seen. Don't know why I'd ever me so mean.**

**Both: This could mean…danger! I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger…danger!**

"I like the dress though."

"That's the end of that scene…though I am appreciating the fact that it's no longer you and me and that are being targeted." Harry and Hermione high-fived as Ron and Draco scowled.

"Well, come on then, let's see how this plays out."


	14. Act 1 Scene 12

Act 1 Scene 12

**Ron: Oh my god, I can't believe it.**

**Harry: What?**

"That your best friends are in love with each other."

"We are not!" Ron and Hermione both yelled out.

**Ron: I just-just can't believe she's dancing with every guy but me. That's so stupid, that's so stupid.**

**Harry: Why do you even care man?**

"I think my character is drunk…"

"What was your first guest there, mate?"

**Ron: I know right, I don't care, I don't care and that's what I'm going to go tell her. I'm going to go say I don't care what you do and she's going to feel so damn stupid.**

"Uh huh, _I'm_ the one who is going to feel stupid."

**She's going to feel like such an idiot.**

**Harry: Listen Ron, you're acting like a real jerk, maybe you should take it easy on the Butterbeer.**

**Ron: No, no.**

**Hermione: Hey guys!**

**Harry: Hermione, you look great. You look wonderful.**

**Hermione: Oh, thanks! Yeah, yeah you know I used to think looks weren't important and now I think they're more important than anything.**

"Okay, I have never been that conceited and after the Yule Ball, I refused to take that much time to look like a stereo-typed bitch."

**It's just that I'm having so much fun dancing with everyone…**

**Ron: Wow Hermione, when did you become so shallow? When?**

"I'm going to hide my face in this pillow. You can beat the back of my head while I wallow in shame and despair."

"Ron, now you're acting like Harry (hey!) and it's unbecoming."

"I don't feel like getting hit in the face."

**Hermione: What is wrong with you Ron?**

**Ron: Nothing, nothing's wrong with me but why don't you just go ask Shlongbottom to dance huh? Go do it.**

**Hermione: You know what, maybe I will.**

**Ron: I showed her, showed her good. (drink)**

Ron remained hidden in the pillow while Hermione tried not to laugh at how semi-accurate this was to the real Yule Ball. Ron had apologized later but she remembered being pissed at him.

**Harry: Wait a second, wait a hot second! I know what's going on here.**

"Oh crap, I'm dancing like a slut with Neville!" Ron immediately sat up and glared at the screen as it showed a glimpse of her dancing.

**You've got a crush! Alright, Ron, listen to me pal, just a little advice: call me crazy but girls don't really like it when you're angry at them, much less if you shout at them. Now, maybe what you should do is go over there and tell her how much you care about her. Okay, maybe you should ask her dance?**

"Ha! I'm giving great girl advice!"

**Ron: No because then she'd know that I like her and you always know that you don't' tell a girl you like her because it makes you look like an idiot.**

"I wonder who gave you two that advice?"

"Maybe it's from our first year or something."

**Harry: I know you'll look like an idiot, any time you tell a girl that you like her you look funny it's inevitable but listen, it's something you have to do. You have to look forward and not look back. I mean we look like idiots anyway we're wizards. We're wearing robes, if we dressed like this in the Muggle world, we would get our asses kicked. You have nothing to lose, just ask her and I bet, you know, she probably wants to dance with you just as much as you wanna dance with her.**

"Ah, Potter is being intelligent…this play is completely satire."

**You just gotta…You just gotta give it a-a chance. There could be something you've never seen before you know, you just gotta go and find something special that was there the whole time and you just got the guts to see anything.**

"He's bloody eyeing my sister up while giving me advice about his best friend who is practically his sister. Harry, you a have a weird way of doing things."

**Ron: Where're you going? I'm still mad and sad.**

**Harry: Hold on. This is me taking his own advice pal. Hey Ginny.**

**Ginny: Oh, hey Harry.**

**Harry: Can I sit down?**

**Ginny: Um yeah sure.**

**Harry: So, um, how's Hogwarts?**

**Ginny: You know, it's okay. I, actually I was really excited to come here but I just don't think I belong.**

"I don't need to belong anywhere but where I am."

**Harry: Oh I know what you mean.**

**Ginny: Um no, you don't, You're Harry Potter.**

**Harry: Yeah, I know. For like eleven years I was this dumb kid who got the crapped kicked out of me and lived under the staircase and all of the sudden it's like You're a wizard! You have all these power and everyone thinks I'm cool all of the sudden and it's weird it's kind of isolating…sorry. Here I am complaining about being famous. I'm sorry.**

"We understand though Harry. It what makes you unique."

"Besides the fact that you defeated Voldemort when you were one and then did it again in your first and second year and then escaped with your life your fourth and fifth years."

"Thanks Ron, for putting my life into perspective for me."

**Ginny: No, I understand. It's like when you first got here and nobody wanted to get to know you because they thought that they knew you already but eventually you'll find people who'll want to get to know you for the real you.**

**Harry: You know Ginny, I already feel like I have found someone and I've taken them for granted. Tell you what, come on. Wanna dance? It's the whole point of the evening.**

**Ginny: Okay.**

"Yes! We finally got together!" Ginny turned then and deftly kissed Harry on the lips, making him moan in the back of his throat, though not for reasons that Ron thought. Ginny's leg, more specifically her knee, had turned and was now pressing into his groin very painfully. Hermione took pity on him as she noticed him trying to act like nothing was wrong.

"Ginny, you're damaging Harry." Ginny broke her own kiss and looked at her friend oddly. She put more weight on her knees, causing Harry whimper as his eyes widened. Draco noticed and burst into laughter as did Voldemort and Snape. Ron finally noticed and couldn't help but laugh. Ginny looked down and blushed as she noticed where her knee was. She moved it and a little color came back to Harry's face. He moved his legs and bent towards Ginny, trying to make the pain disappear.

"Oh Harry, I'm sorry!"

"No…mhmm…problem Gin…" His voice was hoarse but it didn't crack. Ron laughed harder.

"At least none of us Weasley brothers need to worry about you and Ginny. She takes care of herself quite well." Harry tried to glare at his best friend but the pain in his eyes and the blush made him look more like he was pouting.

**Harry: I gotta warn you though, I've learned all my best moves from Hagrid so I'm not that great.**

**Ginny: Oh, I'm sure you're fine. Wow, Harry Potter, I don't care what anybody says, you're the best dancer there ever was.**

"You're the…god damn it…best nutcracker that ever was…ow!" Ginny hit the back of his head but her bum had actually twisted his jeans and made his already painful manhood even worse.

"Ginny, I think it's best you sit next to Harry before he is permanently damaged." Ginny moved while giggling because it was such an odd view seeing the Boy-Who-Lived and the Chosen One almost in tears because his girlfriend had accidently kneed him in the groin.

**Harry: I have a confession to make Ginny. These shoes right here, there magical enchanted dancing shoes.**

**Ginny: Wow-e Harry Potter!**

**Harry: Ginny, I'm just messing with you. I'm just awesome at dancing.**

**Ron: Wah! When you dance with Neville is when you really cross the line. Oaky, take this beat it, get out of here.**

**Hermione: What is your…**

**Ron: Come here COME HERE!**

**Hermione: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Why are you being so mean to me?**

**Ron: **_**I'm not being mean to you.**_

**Hermione: Ow! Yes you are! You know every day, everyone is always trying to put me down and the one day I feel like I actually feel like a person you're trying to ruin it!**

**Ron: Holy shit…**

**Hermione: What's wrong with you Ron?**

**Draco: Hey Weasley! (rolls) The lady said no.**

**Hermione: .too. You know what? I'm so sick of both of you, .! (slaps them both)**

"Wohoo! Go Hermione!" Ginny cheered and Hermione leaned across a slowly recovering Harry to high-five Ginny.

**Draco: What did you say to her?**

**Ron: Nothing!**

**Draco: I'm bleeding.**

**Ron: I'm bleeding. Looks at this.**

**Draco: Look this…**

**Ron: Look at this. (both show each other the blood)**

**Harry: Ginny, Ginny I'm feeling kind of dizzy.**

**Ginny: Well maybe we should stop spinning. It's from all thus spinning huh?**

**Harry: We have stopped spinning. (makes out with Ginny)**

"That is so like our first kiss, don't' you think Harry?" Harry eyed his girlfriend and nodded hesitantly because he was finally gaining relief in his lower regions. Ginny just smiled sympathetically and kissed his cheek.

**Wait, no! No, I can't do this. You're Ginny Weasley, you're my best friend's little sister. You're Ron Weasley's sister, I'm sorry Ginny. I can't do this. I'm sorry.**

Ginny glared at Harry and he curled into a ball, moving closer to Hermione who took pity on him and shook her head at Ginny. Voldemort looked at Potter, the boy who always looked him in the eye defiant and unafraid, act like a little girl against his girlfriend. She looked harmless to him and yet the Potter brat was hiding in _fear_ of the redhead blood traitor. Maybe this would be good to use in the future.

**Hey Cho, hey! Come on, dance with me I'm Harry Potter, let's go.**

**Cedric: Excuse me, I believe I was dancing with the lady.**

**Harry: I know I'm…-lips thing-I'm cutting in.**

**Cedric: Well, I find that to be very rude.**

**Harry: Alright Cedric, well why don't we find out what the lady has to say about it?**

**Cho: Oh, boys there's no need to fight over little ol' me. But by the way, Cedric thinks you trated on the dragon's task.**

**Harry: Cheated? Are you kidding me, that thing was trying to eat me. I was in its mouth!**

**Cedric: Exactly, what went on in there? I'd like to find out.**

**Harry: Alright, that is it Diggory, we are going to duel it. Let's go.**

**Cho: Oh Godric's Hollow, all this excitement is making me thirsty.**

**Harry: Well, oh Cho, I can get you something to drink. I can get you some punch!**

**Cedric: No, I'll get the punch.**

Harry continued hiding from his girlfriend as the scene played out. He also felt a bit of foreboding because a similar argument but with different emotions and different circumstances had taken place before they were transported to the graveyard.

**Harry: No, I'll get the punch.**

**Cedric: Fine, have the punch. (punches Harry)**

"Oh bloody hell, I wish he had really done that to you Potter."

"I have no qualms practicing on you Malfoy."

**Cho: You did it!**

**Harry: Cedric Diggory, I'm going to kill you! (grabs special ladle, Cedric grabs it and they are transported to graveyard)**

The whole room became split between two emotions. The Gryffindors and Dumbledore felt remorse and harry a bit of guilt at was to occur and Voldemort and Draco felt a bit of satisfaction but that turned to horror in Draco as he realized that this actually happened.

"Next video then…"


	15. Act 1 Scene 13

Act 1 Scene 13

**Cedric: Where are we?**

**Harry: I don't know Cedric, someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got a little goofed up.**

**Cedric: Well, it seems clear to me now that the punch ladle was a Portkey and now thanks to you we've both been transported to some mystery location.**

Harry looked horrible to everyone as he watched the play because in the back of his mind…the real event was playing out.

**Harry: Brilliant Cedric, you're a Hufflepuff. Why don't you find a way out of this place okay?**

**Cedric: Harry I think I found something. It appears to be a headstone. We must be in some sort of graveyard. Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thomas Riddle, Riddle me this, eh Potter?**

"What does Riddle have to do with anything?" Voldemort looked at the young Slytherin and grinned at his youngest Death Eater.

**Harry: Cedric, I don't know about this place. I think we gotta get out of here.**

**Cedric: Harry, you're a Gryffindor, where's your sense of adventure?**

"Gryffindors are only brave when they know they'll be the victorious." Harry wasn't paying attention as he remembered seeing the gravestones from his nightmares and how Cedric had observed the Cup as the sounds of the graveyard pressed in on them. They were about to return when Wormtail and Voldemort had appeared…

**Harry: God! Cedric, you're so annoying okay! You're like this guy that's just around all the time when I don't need a guy around. You're the spare guy all the time. You're a spare dude. You're such a spare.**

"**Kill the spare!" **Harry muttered it while the Voldemort on screen yelled it. He heard the Avada Kedavra curse in his mind and then watched as the noble and honest Hufflepuff died, the third victim of the new war, the first of Harry's losses. Ginny moved back to Harry and hugged him as he was pale and his eyes seemed distant, watching this event in a different context.

**Quirrell: Avada Kedavra! (Harry jumps out of the way, spell hits Cedric)**

**Cedric: So many regrets, I'm dead! (dies)**

**Harry: Oh my wizard god!**

**Quirrell: Not so fast, Petrificus Totalus!**

**Harry: Professor Quirrell, you just killed Cedric!**

No one was laughing at the bit of absurdity occurring in the play as everyone remembered the actual night. Dumbledore and Snape were remembering the frantic panic as the two students disappeared, Draco-Ron-Hermione-and Ginny all remembered the confusion and uncertainty as they waited for the two Hogwarts students to return safely. Harry and Voldemort were remembering that night in two different ways, one with sorrow and guilt while the other in glory and anger at being thwarted again.

**Quirrell: Not I Potter, but perhaps you'd like to see who did. He's dying to see you.**

**Harry: AH! (tries to grab scar but is unable to because he's frozen)**

**Voldemort: Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, it's good to see you again.**

**Death Eater: The cauldron is ready my Lord.**

"Is that really Snape?"

"I wasn't there that night Mr. Weasley. I was with Dumbledore trying to find Potter and Diggory."

**Harry: Cauldron, what are you guys going to do, eat me? Gross!**

**Voldemort: As delicious a dish as I think you'd make Potter, I'd need a stomach of my own to digest you. I haven't got one of those, yet.**

Harry and Voldemort watched the scene unfold, the lack of words and weird music enough to invoke the memories better. Harry remembered the dirt breaking at his feet for the bone, the screams of Wormtail when he cut his own hand off, and the sting of the dagger that pierced him for his blood. He could feel the scar tingle in memory as his knee twitched a bit at the memory of having been bitten by the giant spider. It was one the worst nights of his life, he had truly believed he would be joining Cedric and his parents that night.

**Death Eater: Detention Potter!**

**Harry: Detention? This guy's almost as big an asshole as Snape.**

**Quirrell: It worked!**

**Voldemort: Haha! (tries to regain footing and get used to his body) (singing) When I was a boy, an orphan boy, I'd loved to move my feet. I'd hear a tune and start to swoon. My life would seem complete.**

Voldemort dropped into angry shock as he watched himself sing about his childhood. He took care not to bring back his pathetic life as a half-blood orphan life.

**The other boys would laugh and jeer; but I'd catch 'em tapping their toes and when I'd start to sway, they'd get carried away…and oh how the feeling grows. I'd take my foot, my little foot, and with that foot oh how I'd start to shake. I'd take two feet, two tiny feet. Hey look, that's neat! It's coming true! Oh boy I get to dance again wahoo!**

Ginny nudged Harry out of his depression and showed him the dancing and singing Voldemort. He cracked a sad smile and then it became sly as he looked at the appalled and angry Dark Lord.

**To dance again, I've been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears, to hear the beat so on your feet. It's time to dance again, come on Potter! Imperio!**

Harry cringed as Voldemort smirked that Potter would have to dance this ridiculous number with him and under his control.

**You take your foot, your little foot. Hey look, your foot! See how it starts to shake.**

**Quirrell: Oh, try his arms! How 'bout a twirl? He's like a girl! (toss Harry to the side like trash) How overdue…I get to finally dance again with you.**

Harry cringed as he was tossed aside as Quirrell and Voldemort danced their number. He thought about it though and would have preferred this to what actually happened.

**Quirrell and Voldemort: To dance again, I've been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears. It's lovely swaying, the music's playing. Come on let's dance again! **

**Voldemort: Everybody!**

**Death Eaters: I take my foot (Voldemort: You take your foot), my little foot (Take that little foot) and oh my foot (Let me hear it now!) Look how it starts to shake…oh Voldy's back! (Hello World!) For the attack (I'm gonna get'cha) He'll take over the world it's true, but first there's something he's gotta do! **

**Everyone but Harry: He'll (I'll) dance again…he's(I've) been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears. Everybody make way (for a pas de bourrée.) It's time to dance, it's time to dance, it's time to dance again!**

**Voldemort: Woo!**

"That's the end of the video…wait, does anyone else see the weird videos on the side of this?" Everyone looked on the side of the screen to see a bunch of videos that didn't go with the playlist. There were colored boxes with different titles but there seemed to be a reoccurring theme of them being from this musical and the sequel.

"They look like song videos…videos that show you the lyrics as the track plays. Should we click on one?"

_You can only view one other video. After that you can only watch the playlist._

"Should we?"

"Sure, um, which one looks promising?"

"Well, maybe we should…on no." Harry saw the video marked _Harry Freakin' Potter_. He cringed.

"We have to do that video…" Dumbledore shook his head and loaded the next video in the musical.

"Oh come on Professor! We wanted to hear Harry sing about how he's so awesome!"

"No, Mr. Weasley as that song is from the sequel and we don't want to ruin it for ourselves."


	16. Act 1 Scene 14

Act 1 Scene 14

**Bellatrix: Oh my Dark Lord! You look fabulous.**

"Here's Bellatrix…how…she's actually kind of hot…" Ginny looked sick as Ron and Draco agreed.

**Voldemort: Bellatrix Lestrange!**

**Bellatrix: Oh my liege, how it's going to be like the old days when we do nothing but torture, murder and make love.**

"Absolutely gross!"

"Nope, I am officially scarred for life!"

"Potter you're already scarred for life."

"Shut it Malfoy!"

**Voldemort: Ha, the old days are back baby! –motorboats Bellatrix-**

**Bellatrix: I can't tell you what it was like without you.**

**Voldemort: Well, I'm never going again because I've conquered death and my first pleasure will to be to kill Harry Potter! The next, to take over the Ministry of Magic and rule the world for all eternity!**

**Bellatrix: And you will my Lord, but not yet. For now we must stick to the plan. We blame Potter's murder on Quirrell so that your return may remain a secret. The Death Eaters are prepared to take on the entire Ministry of Magic, much less Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix.**

**Quirrell: I'm sorry. What was that about me going to Azkaban for Potter's murder?**

**Bellatrix: Oh ho, you shall refer to him as my Lord, my liege, or my Dark Lord!**

**Voldemort: No-no-no-no Bellatrix, it's cool. Quirrell's cool, over the last year he's proven himself to be a very good fr…**

"Aw, Voldemort can't say friend. If you weren't such a pissed off ass you would have a friend Voldemort."

**A very good servant to the will of the Dark Lord.**

**Quirrell: Oh I see so you're just going to make your Sally Hemings is that it? **_(Thank You JosieJane!)_

**Voldemort: No, no Quirrell that, that came out wrong. It's not like that.**

**Quirrell: Isn't it?**

**Bellatrix: Ah, silence slave, Crucio! –laughs-**

Harry and Snape both cringed at the reaction of Quirrell. Draco had seen his parents put under the curse this past summer but watching Potter and Severus cringe like that made him grateful he never had to go through that. He looked back at the Gryffindor Golden Boy with more respect. His parents had been complete messes after that spell and Potter had come back from the graveyard coherent and it seemed he had fought the Dark Lord after the curse. He had more guts than he thought.

**Voldemort: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.**

**Bellatrix: What is the matter? He is your pawn! You are his Queen.**

"His Queen, way too priceless. We are now to call you Queen Voldemort or should I say Lady Riddle?"

"You just wait Potter….I don't need to remember this musical to know that you don't ever want to undergo the Cruciatus Curse again." Harry glared at the threat but he knew he would do it if it meant saving one of his friends from that fate.

**It is an honor to serve the Dark Lord, no matter what the task!**

**Voldemort: Are you alright?**

**Quirrell: Did you really know the whole time that you would blame Potter's murder on me?**

**Voldemort: Yes, yes I knew but things have changed over the last year. I feel differently now,**

**Quirrell: Don't touch me!**

**Voldemort: Way to explain this, it's like the movie **_**She's All That.**_** You remember we watched that together. Well, remember how at the end Freddy Prince Jr. turns out to be good.**

**Quirrell: No, I didn't see the ending because you were watching it while you were on the back of my head, SUCKING MY SOUL!**

**Voldemort: Well I wish there was another way but I've got to take over the world.**

**Quirrell: Well there it is! I'll let you know now that it's gonna be pretty hard to make that rollerblading date from Azkaban.**

**Bellatrix: Death Eaters, take him away.**

"Bella has more balls than this Dark Lord…wow."

"Who you kidding? She does in this life too."

"Does she Potter?"

"Of course she does, I would be dead ten times over if you let your pets kill me but you insist on doing it yourself."

"Maybe I should let them kill you, give the person who does it a continent as compensation?"

"Because you're too pigheaded and I can defeat almost all of your Death Eaters."

"Harry, stop being so damn cocky!" Hermione pinched his arm but Harry knew what he was doing. He was trying to rile up the Dark Lord because when he forgot, because he was sure that the changes wouldn't be made, he would be even more of a failure.

**And now you have what you waited for for so long.**

**Voldemort: What?**

**Bellatrix: You're chance to kill Harry Potter.**

**Voldemort: Yes, kill POTTER, ha whoa where'd he go?**

**Harry: You're not killing me today Voldemort but I'll tell you what, I can get you some punch! (travels back to Hogwarts with Cedric's body)**

**Ginny: Oh my Rowling, what happened Harry Potter?**

**Dumbledore: Harry, Harry what the hell you doing over here? You missed that raffle.**

"Always the tone of concern sir." Dumbledore chuckled at the joke.

**Snape: What happened in that graveyard? Uh!**

"How would you know Snape?"

**Harry: It's Voldemort! It's Voldemort, he's back!**

"That is the end of Act 1 everyone!" The kids cheered as they stood and stretched out. Harry got up and ended up sitting back down as his groin pulled. He hissed out and Dumbledore chuckled as Ginny blushed.

"Oh, I'll go get you some ice Harry." Ginny ran off to the kitchen as Ron laughed at his friend. Harry took a moment while the pain was dulled a bit and punched Ron in the gut. He coughed and glared playfully at his best mate.

"Oi, that's not fair!"

"Stop laughing at my predicament Weasley or I'll aim lower next time."

"Well, Potter, I'll stop laughing if it ever happens to me…NO HERMIONE!" Hermione went to kick him but he dodged it.

"Now stop laughing at your friend." She was hiding her laughter but the slightly sadistic grin was in place.

"When have you two ever called each other by your sir names?"

"You aren't a Gryffindor nor do you hang out with us. We fight like this all the time, it keeps our morals up and our comebacks quick for when we fight little ferrets like you." Ron grinned but then nodded his head as Harry, blushing, put the ice on his groin. He couldn't stop the moan of relief that escaped him. Ginny thought it was one of the hottest sounds she had ever heard.

"Okay, the rest of you get the kinks out before we start Act 2. That only has nine videos and then we can watch one other video before we start the sequel." Snape went to the kitchen to see if he could find any alcohol while Voldemort wondered into the men's room to vent a bit. Dumbledore stretched before he took the chair that Draco had been using. It was better for his back and hips.

"So, sir, how are you finding this musical?" Harry had shifted a bit so he was where Ron had been, the end of the couch closest to Dumbledore.

"I am enjoying this lighter version of our lives. I'm going to take a vote later but I want your opinion as the others are occupying themselves. Which video would you like to listen to?"

"I'm curious to either the Days of Summer one or my name."

"I'm all in for his name!" Ron came back with bottle for Harry and himself. He handed his friend the Pepsi bottle.

"Thanks man, so you really want to hear me sing about how cool my character thinks he is?"

"Well, if it's in the sequel, then you have probably defeated Voldemort by the looks of this musical and that would certainly warrant your ego." The others returned and then Dumbledore took the bottle of water from Hermione before starting the next act.


	17. Act 2 Scene 1

Act 2 Scene 1

**Person 1: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Harry Potter, the Boy Who Beat Voldemort now Says He's Back?**

**Person 2: Prophet! Get Your Daily Prophet! Harry Potter vs. Voldemort: Round 2!**

"Oh no…bloody reporters…"

**Person 3: Minister Of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, Makes a Statement!**

**Minister: I've Heard these Voldemort rumors and I for one simply don't believe it.**

**Person 1: Voldemort Talks About It on His New Floo-Tube Channel.**

"Ha! I love it!" Hermione got it.

"I think I get it too Hermione. We should consider making one though."

"I'm not reading those books Harry. They are more confusing than the process to make the Philosopher's Stone."

**Voldemort: I'm gonna find Harry Potter and I'm gonna -_-_-ing_-_ in his mouth!**

Harry looked sick with the rest of them and even Voldemort looked disturbed by that. That was probably the most disgusting thing they had said the entire musical.

**Person 1: Also Does a Review of **_**17 Again**_**.**

**Voldemort: Ah, it was a little slow at the beginning but it's Zac Efron. It's Zefron!**

**Minister: I have seen these so-called posts and I still don't believe it. This is a ruse! You all have been hoodwinked!**

Dumbledore and Hermione laughed while Snape cracked the smallest smile before returning quickly to his sneer.

**Person 4: Professor Quirrell Confesses to Murder of Hogwarts Student Cedric Diggory, Receives Life in Azkaban. –jumbled noise as they exit stage-**

"We want that chocolate bar!" Ginny and Hermione were eying the huge bar of candy like it was the Holy Grail.

"Could you imagine the joys that would bring?"

"Oh, dating TOM would be worth it for that…" Harry glanced at his girlfriend and was wondering who Tom was when Hermione shook her head.

"TOM is short for something Harry, it's not a person."

**Harry: Ron, this totally sucks man.**

**Ron: This is horrible.**

**Harry: Yeah I know, I mean look at this. It's terrible, "Harry Potter vs. Voldemort: The Fight of the Century."**

**Ron: No, not that, it's Hermione. It's just like, I can't get her out of my head and every time I look at her I have these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault, that bitch.**

"Ron loves Hermione and blames her for it…typical Ron."

**I'm just not cut out for this Harry, I'm not.**

**Harry: Yeah man, I know what you mean. It's like when you're trying to save the world and the whole world is just against you and…**

**Ron: No-no-no-no-no, this isn't about you.**

"Damn, we are going to fight."

"At least this seems like a legit fight…"

"Your problems versus' mine?"

"Yours win hands down, no questions asked. I don't mind being your friend but I will never be you."

"Thanks Ron, you're such a pal."

"You stayed with me for it."

**Why does every conversation we have, have to turn into Potter Talk?**

**Harry: It isn't Potter Talk…**

**Ron: No, I'm miserable and all you can do is talk about yourself. You're like the most self-absorbed guy I know. If you were miserable, I would be there for you but you won't even listen to me and I'm sick of it. So-so good luck with whatever you were talking about and I hope that you and Voldemort live happily ever after because me, I am never going to be happy again.**

"Ron, you ever say that to me and I'll hang you by your ankles for hours in nothing but your knickers in the Entrance Hall."

"I don't think if I was even severely pissed off at you I could ever say that…that is just completely wrong."

**So I'm just going to go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.**

**Hermione: Were you just talking to Ron?**

**Harry: Yeah, I was trying to tell him about Voldemort…**

**Hermione: Well did he say anything about me?**

"You know, even though we have our issues that we would want you to support us through…something like this is a tad more important. We also know that you do a hell of a lot for us that most people don't' know."

"Thanks 'Mione, I appreciate that."

"What does Potter do for you other than get you into trouble?"

"Well, for starters he chased the most dangerous Death Eater away from us and took her on by himself until Dumbledore and Voldemort showed up then was possessed by Voldemort. He saved Ron's father from dying, killed the basilisk that was petrifying everyone and then was bitten by it to save Ginny. He was the focus for his parents' love and ended up taking down the Dark Lord so we could grow up in peace and in that span of time, he has never actually asked us to do anything for him. He was there when Ron and I were in the Infirmary, even though he was actually attacked and possessed. He has never led us into a fight, we have always followed. In the basement for the Stone, he actually encouraged us to leave him so we wouldn't get injured and then he tried to take on Lupin while he was uncontrolled by Wolfsbane while Ron was injured, Pettigrew was escaping and I was scared stiff. He then took on hundreds of Dementors to try and save Sirius. I think he's done enough for us that we can put our troubles aside and wait for times of peace, but normally by then, we've settled them" Hermione was surprised at her speech but Harry was grinning like mad while Ron agreed to everything she said.

"He takes on all of our safety naturally because he knows he's marked. I think that earns him an ear when he needs it."

**Harry: Well, yeah he said something…**

**Hermione: Was one of them an apology for how he treated me at the Yule Ball?**

**Harry: Um yeah, I heard about that, listen I was wondering maybe you heard about a little something, I don't know, that Voldemort's Back! Cedric Diggory is dead, Professor Quirrell was crazy and now I have to save the world! Did you hear about that Hermione?**

**Hermione: Actually I have heard those things Harry, about a thousand times but never had they been told to me with so much sass. Drop the attitude Harry Potter, you're acting like Garfield on a Monday.**

"I don't get the last reference but go Granger for the smack down."

**Harry: Well don't you think I have a right to be a little stressed out?**

"If last year is anything to go by than yes, you do." Harry stared at Malfoy in surprise. Hermione's speech, actually this whole experience, seemed to be transforming the Slytherin.

**Hermione: No, no I don't. You know what, this is just like with the dragon okay. I stressed out, I told you to prepare and yet you didn't do anything and you were fine. You know you just played your little guitar and I mean I don't know what you're crying about Harry. This is just like when you defeated Voldemort when you were a baby.**

**Harry: Hermione, come on, you're the friend that's supposed to tell me to go to the library and try to figure this stuff out.**

**Hermione: You know what Harry? I don't do that anymore.**

"Ouch, that was a big burn on Harry. Both of you against him would kill him."

"Probably literally too." Harry mumbled it but the room had gone so silent that everyone heard it. Hermione and Ron looked at each other, knowing that the day they both ignored Harry would probably bring about him sacrificing himself to keep them alive so they didn't have to be burdened with him.

"Harry, we won't ever ignore you like this. I just needed space to think things through and unfortunately you could have died without me ever apologizing. Hermione won't ever do this, she loves you too much. The day we both ignore you is the day Voldemort over there wears pink and Umbridge finally goes back to the swamp." Everyone laughed but Snape and the Dark Lord but Snape wanted to laugh at the vibe.

**Draco: Read it and weep Potter, heard Voldemort's back and he's trying to kill you. What do you think about that Moon-shoes?**

**Harry: Malfoy, I honestly don't see why you're so happy about this. If Voldemort is back, which he is, you might as well kiss Hogwarts good bye.**

Everyone noticed a sad face in the corner of the screen. Voldemort smiled in glee as the others shuddered that Hogwarts could be taken.

**You might as well kiss the planet good bye.**

**Draco: Kiss the planet good bye? Having second thoughts about Pigfarts are you?**

**Harry: Malfoy, you're the last person I want to talk to okay?**

**Draco: You know what, as soon as you're out of the way, I'll be the coolest kid in school.**

"Nope, sorry, Hermione and I would take that spot before you would."

**Hermione: Malfoy, that will never happen. Everybody hates you.**

**Malfoy: Oh right, okay this coming from Hermione Stranger.**

**Pansy: She's right Malfoy, she's cooler than you now.**

**Cho: Yeah, even Moaning Myrtle is cooler than you.**

**Neville: Take this, Expelliarmous! (Draco's trousers drop to reveal diaper)**

Everyone cracked up laughing as Malfoy blushed and stuttered. He was wearing a bloody diaper!

**Draco: Ignore it, ignore it! Stop it.**

**Snape: What the devil is going on here? Draco Malfoy, pull those trousers up at once.**

"Thanks Uncle Sev." The Potions Master glared at his godson but not before the others laughed even harder.

"I get to collect 20 sickles from Dean and 5 Galleons from Seamus."

"I get half that though and I have to pay Neville and Lavender 10 Galleons each."

The Slytherins and Dumbledore were confused as they exchanged scenarios.

**Draco: Professor, I was just…**

**Snape: I don't want to hear it. I need to see you in my office, now.**

**Draco: This is all your fault Potter. You'll pay for this, you'll all pay! (runs with trousers around his knees)**

"Don't hurt yourself thinking there Harry."

"Hey, just because I know that Snape lost his hand to bring back my stalker doesn't mean it'll tae me that long to figure it out."

**Harry: Nice Neville, you're the man. Hey Ginny, what's up? I hope you have something to say about Voldemort.**

**Ginny: No.**

**Harry: Whatever. No, don't bother.**

**Ginny: Um, hey Harry, so we kissed at the Yule Ball and well, I thought we were gonna be together forever? But we're not.**

**Harry: Hey, that uh, pretty much sums it up.**

"Ah, I know why I'm doing this."

"You do?" Ginny leaned past her brother and eyed him.

"I'm being distant to protect you and since I'm not on good terms with your brother, I'm trying to make less of a mess out of my life."

**Ginny: What's going on?**

**Harry: Ginny, this is what's going on. Don't you get it? Everyone is in danger who is dear to me. We can't be together because if Voldemort is back, which he is, then you're in mortal peril. Don't' you get it? It's just like the Spider-man movie, did you see that?**

"You were right. You're not allowed to do it now though. Voldemort already knows you love me."

**MJ and Peter Parker can't be together.**

**Ginny: The whole point of Spider-man 2 was that MJ and Peter Parker could be together in the end.**

**Harry: Yeah I know but the point of Spider-man 3 is everything sucks and it falls to shit! Ginny, what I'm trying to say is I don't want my life to be like Spider-man 3. I hated that movie. I'm sorry, it's just my little way of saying we can't be together. I'm sorry Ginny.**

**Ginny: I'm such an idiot. –goes off crying-**

**Harry: I need a Butterbeer.**

"Alcohol does not solve anything…just remember Ron."

**Dumbledore: Hey, psst, Potter, it's me, it's me.**

**Harry: Who are you?**

**Dumbledore: It's Dumbledore.**

**Harry: Oh.**

**Dumbledore: Listen, Harry, I've got some very important things I have to tell yah.**

**Harry: Oh, about Voldemort?**

**Dumbledore: Yes, it's absolutely crucial for you to know but I can't get into it right now. You need to meet me at my inner office at ten o'clock and come by yourself. Bring that uh, Invisibility Cloak of yours. Don't go blabbing your mouth about this to anybody. I don't what the spies to hear, they could be anywhere, even inside of Hogwarts.**

"We know."

**From now on the only persons you can trust Harry are me and Severus Snape.**

**Harry: Listen Dumbledore, I know you don't want to hear this but uh, I am not so sure about Snape. I think, uh I'm pretty sure he's working for Voldemort.**

**Dumbledore: What? That's stupid, you're stupid.**

"Thank you sir, for the vote of confidence."

**Harry: No-no, I'm positive that night in the graveyard some Death Eater cuts off his hand and Snape shows up without a hand, what is that?**

**Dumbledore: Oh cock-a-maybe, Snape has ensured me that he lost his hand in an entirely unrelated incident.**

**Harry: Dumbledore, why do you trust Snape so much?**

**Dumbledore: 'Cause I love him.**

"Okay…not what I was expecting…"

"I have a love of all my students and staff but my own personal feelings are not applied to my job. I find it wrong that they are implying such."

**Harry: Professor, I…**

**Dumbledore: Hey, I don't wanna hear anything else about it. These is no way that Severus Snape is, was or shall be a servant Voldemort's. **

No one even made a sound as they waited for the next video to load.


	18. Act 2 Scene 2

Act 2 Scene 2

**Snape: All Hail Lord Voldemort!**

"So much for never was, is, or shall be."

**Death Eater 1: Severus Snape, what are you doing here?**

**Death Eater 2: Got tired of being on Dumbledore's lap?**

"Oh, come one! Bad images!"

**Death Eater 1: I ought to Jelly-Legs Jinx you right now.**

**Snape: Don't be goofy with me, I'm here to see Voldemort.**

**Death Eater 2: How do we know this isn't some Order of the Phoenix practical joke?**

"We might want to try that…Fred and George would be in."

**Death Eater 1: I though you deserted the Death Eaters when the Dark Lord lost his body?**

**Death Eater 2: Or were you always a spy for Dumbledore?**

**Death Eater 1: Slumber-snore.**

**Death Eater 2: Bumble-sore.**

**Death Eater 1: I heard you had your Dark Mark laser-surgically removed.**

"Interesting conversation you Death Eaters seem to be having…" Voldemort was watching this in interest now.

**Snape: Oh, well if you two know so much about me, you should write a biography, **_**Snape: The Double Agent!**_** (shows a mark) That's right, I've always been a servant of Voldemort's. I've simply been working undercover finding out valuable information such as the inner workings of Hogwarts, the roster of the Order of the Phoenix, and finding out what exactly a true Hufflepuff is anyway.**

"It's odd to say but Cedric was more of a Gryffindor than Hufflepuff."

"Yeah, it has ended up catching all the odd ones huh?"

**I've seen things no Slytherin should see. So if you are done putting each other's feet in each other's mouths, I would like to see my master.**

**Death Eater 1: Of course, right away Severus.**

**Snape: Good, I'll be in the drawing room, painting a picture of the stupid looks on your faces.**

"Nice, then you should give it us so we can laugh at them and draw better outfits on them."

**Bellatrix: Then, after sneaking into the Department of Mysteries, we'll enchant the…**

**Death Eater 1: excuse me…**

**Bellatrix: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Excuse me, I was in the middle of plotting.**

"She's right, interrupting Bella is nearly as dangerous as angering the Dark Lord."

**Where was I? The statues will occupy the guards in the Main Lobby while you and I sneak into the Minister's office, where you will be one Killing Curse away from complete control of the entire Wizarding World! How does that sound my Lord? My Lord? Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: Uh yeah, Gringotts, that's great. Polyjuice Potions, that's always very classy. I'm sorry what are we talking about?**

"Interesting combination…Bellatrix wouldn't be angry though, she would disappointed that her plan wasn't up to my standards."

**Bellatrix: Did you hear anything of my evil plan?**

**Voldemort: Well, um, the details are a little fuzzy but uh, you did have very evil tone.**

**Bellatrix: He's all yours.**

**Voldemort: What? Bellatrix come back. No, it's, don't be like that! Now two people are mad at me!**

"More like two hundred thousand…minimum."

**What?**

**Death Eater 1: Sir, Severus Snape is at the door and infortunes access to you.**

**Voldemort: Severus Snape, see him in.**

"Nice use of vocabulary for the Death Eater…maybe I should reinforce the proper grammar aspect of the pure-blood ways…"

**Snape: Is that a new body my Lord? You look absolutely ravishing.**

"I think I'm going to be sick…"

"You know, Voldemort on screen does have a very nice body…he certainly hasn't skipped out on keeping fit."

"Gross Hermione, that's just gross."

**Voldemort: Severus, for such a super-secret spy you're a terrible liar. I'm a wreck! Better have some good news.**

Harry started thinking on how he knew when Malfoy was lying and had started to notice when Snape lied as well. Miniscule subtleties that were too human to be noticed.

**Snape: My Lord, you know for years we have been trying to get Death Eaters into the castle? (hooks Voldemort's throat and the Dark Lord flinches and glares at him and he withdraws his hook) For years we have been trying to sneak Death eaters onto the grounds of Hogwarts, well I think I finally discovered a way how.**

**Voldemort: Well, by all means Snape tell me.**

**Snape: I can't.**

**Voldemort: Can't, tease! Why not?**

**Snape: I made an Unbreakable Vow not to let any Death Eaters in.**

**Voldemort: Great, Unbreakable Vows, I hate those.**

**Snape: I know but I had to do it in order to convince Dumbledore of my loyalty.**

**Voldemort: Yes Snape I understand. Well if you can't help me, what do you propose we do?**

**Snape: Well I can't tell you but I've brought along someone who can.**

**Draco: All Hail Lord Voldemort.**

"HA! I knew you were a bloody Death Eater! This proves it!" Hermione and Ron looked at Harry oddly as he looked grim in his conclusion.

"What makes you think that Potter?" Since the train ride, Draco hadn't confronted Potter like this. He was nervous though because if the Golden Boy knew then the others did but they seemed to not believe him.

"You consistently scratch your arm, meaning the Mark is new and when Voldemort is summoning the Death Eaters, you cringe and tighten your left hand to fight off the call. Snape does something similar except that he merely glares at us more when the Dark Lord calls." Everyone looked at Harry surprised but then again, his ability to sense Voldemort's emotions and thoughts was known.

"Good job Potter, you figured it out and it seems your friends didn't believe you." Hermione and Ron now looked flabbergasted at the fact Harry was right!

"I also know he's trying to harm Dumbledore while working on some project in the Room of Requirement."

"How do you know these things?"

"Invisibility Cloak and a gift from my godfather and Lupin to make sure I can stay out of trouble as much as possible." Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, and Ginny knew what the item was but the others were at a lost until Snape thought about it.

"You have that bloody map don't you?" Harry just smirked and relaxed back against the couch. Voldemort looked menacing, his changes having reversed as he eyed the boy who continued to meddle in his schemes. Voldemort did notice the black hand on Dumbledore though, the fool would die one way or the other.

**Voldemort: HAHAHAHA! Lucius Malloy's boy?**

**Draco: Malfoy…Malfoy…**

**Voldemort: Are you serious? Help from a child, you've got to be kidding me? –still laughing- Don't make me laugh I'm pissing!**

"That's why didn't believe you Harry, we thought Voldemort would never stoop to branding children."

**Draco: Oh, if this homemade Dark Mark won't convince you, then at least hear me out.**

"I've seen better fake Marks on Bella's victims."

**Voldemort: Okay, okay, okay, how do you propose we get my Death Eaters into your little daycare center and don't suggest the giant slide or a trampoline because we've already tried those.**

"It is not a daycare center!"

"Well, I guess if you really look at it…"

"No, Hermione, no…I'm not sixteen and in daycare."

**Draco: The vents, you're Death eaters shall enter through the ventilation system of Hogwarts.**

**Voldemort: Duh! The vents! Erg, how do we find these vents?**

**Draco: Oh I'll tell you how to get to the vents but first we discuss the subject of payment.**

Draco paled as the Dark Lord looked at him and he shrunk back into his seat. He took on the mission for the mere fact that he wanted to give his parents back their dignity and honor. He would never had asked for payment of any kind, merely handing over the information willingly.

**Voldemort: Ah, the catch, there's always a catch. There's nothing in this world so cruel and demanding as the soul of a child. What do you want Malloy?**

**Draco: I want a galaxy-traversing rocket ship with enough fuel to get me to Mars.**

**Voldemort: What do you want with a rocket ship? What business do you have on Mars?**

**Draco: Let's just say (rhyme singing) Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum!**

**Snape: No-no-no-no-no my Lord, with all due respect my Lord there is one tiny flaw in that flawless plan, Albus Dumbledore.**

**Voldemort: Ah, you're right Snape. Normally I'd say let's kill him but I haven't been feeling so evil lately. (glares at Draco patting him)**

"No one touches me without express permission from me or if you're laying your respect at my feet."

**Voldemort: So here's how it's gonna break down Milfoy. I need your guarantee that you'll lead my Death Eaters into Hogwarts. I will simultaneously be attacking the Ministry of Magic. Now I need you to promise that by the end of the siege of Hogwarts, Dumbledore will be dead-leave Harry Potter for me, but Dumbledore must die. Do we have a deal?**

Voldemort smirked a bit as this was the general idea of his plan. The screen paused and then a message appeared.

_From now on the information is the end of this years and next that you have not lived through yet. There will be a list of people mentioned by Mrs. Weasley and that statement is true. There will be an event you wish not to happen that will have occurred. This will be your chance to get the answers you desire and make your decisions._

**Draco: We shall shake on it (spits in hand) an Unbreakable Vow.**

**Voldemort: -spits in hand- By the end of tomorrow night, Albus Dumbledore will be dead?**

**Draco: Yes and I'll have my rocket ship?**

**Voldemort: When the technology is available.**

**Draco: And you have to be my slave for a whole day starting now! (hands are released and Vow is made)**

"Malfoy has a pair!"

"Too bad he had to be a girl to grow some."

**Voldemort: No! You little shit! He got me. He got me oh that is so embarrassing. That's the second time that that's happened. It's why I hate Unbreakable Curses.**

**Draco: Oh there are so many things I'm going to have you do for me. You're going to clean my room, and lay out my knickers, and you're going to tape **_**Wizards of Waverly Place **_**for me!**

**Voldemort: Oh I hate chores!**

**Draco: I'll be busy with a murder. Sometimes…hey.**

"I get that message now. This whole year is about killing Dumbledore and infiltrating the school. Wait though, Professor, your hand…I think I've read that effect somewhere…oh." Hermione knew now…Dumbledore had a plan.

"I hate when you do that…next video."


	19. Act 2 Scene 3

Act 2 Scene 3

**Hermione: harry, why would Dumbledore want to meet us so late at night?**

**Harry: Well, he's got some information to tell us about Voldemort. Did you bring the Invisibility Cloak?**

**Hermione: I got it right here.**

**Ron: Alright Harry, this better be good because I don't' have a snack and I'm missing **_**Wizards of Waverly Place**_** for this okay**_**.**_** So what do we have to do that is so damn,(gets handed a snack by musician) oh my god thank you. I love Hogwarts.**

**Harry: Hogwarts is amazing.**

**Ron: You want one?**

**Harry: Yeah, (piano thing and Harry does a cock-the-hip thing)**

**Hermione: You know what, I am leaving.**

**Harry: Oh no-no-no-no-no you're not. No you're not. When I said I needed your help I meant the both of you. So you guys got to get over these hurt feelings before someone gets hurt okay.**

"Wow, you're solving their problem so that they can help with yours…touché."

**So come on.**

**Dumbledore: (seductively) Hello Harry, how are…(drops act) oh god damn it! I told you to come by yourself.**

"And I now know why…am I really that attractive Professor?" Harry saw Ron laugh and Hermione look outraged while Dumbledore chuckled.

"I wouldn't know Harry, you're not my type." Harry faked a hurt expression before Ginny laughed.

**Why did you have to bring the fans?**

**Harry: Ron and Hermione are my best friends and if this information is as important as you say it is then they have a right to know.**

**Dumbledore: Well, I've been wrong before. Get in here hotcakes. I was talking to Weasley.**

**Ron: Thanks.**

"Ha, I got dibs."

"Because that Dumbledore is gay and infatuated with the handsome men of Hogwarts."

"So?"

**Dumbledore: Sorry the place is such a sty. (Zac Efron poster is visible)**

**Ron: Oh my god, that is a boss Zefron poster.**

**Harry: It's awesome.**

"What is so awesome about this guy?"

"Muggle thing probably…"

**Dumbledore: Isn't he just the greatest? Whenever I see him, he seems like such a charismatic humanitarian.**

**Harry: You think you like him? Wrong because I love him the most; Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anyone else in the whole world.**

"I do?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure you're on a poster somewhere with a hoard of screaming fans making sacrifices in your name."

**Anyway, that's not what we're here to talk about.**

**Hermione: Right.**

**Harry: We're here to talk about Voldemort.**

**Dumbledore: It's not necessarily about Zefron, even though I love him the most, but uh about the Dark Lord. If you want to defeat this guy you're going to have to know about Horcruxes.**

The room immediately lost its relaxation as Harry cringed at this new fact. He was keeping his enemy alive as long as he lived.

**The Trio: What's a Horcrux?**

**Dumbledore: Horcrux is one of the most terrifying pieces of magic that a wizard can create. It's actually when a wizard takes a piece of his soul and puts into something else.**

**Ron: Why would anybody ever want to do that?**

"No _person_ would Ron."

**Dumbledore: If you have a Horcrux, you can never truly die. Your body can be dead but your spirit can live on.**

**Hermione: It makes sense now Harry! Everyone knows that the night your parents were killed that Voldemort was destroyed but somehow he survived. He must have had a Horcrux!**

**Dumbledore: He didn't just have one Horcrux, he had six of them!**

"Seven…" Harry felt dirty. Ron had wrapped his arm around his shoulder like a brother but he felt like he was contaminating him, making himself tense in the comforting embrace.

**I already killed the first five for you so don't worry about that. But you guys have to find the last one with this.**

**Hermione: Sword of Godric Gryffindor!**

"Not quite Hermione…"

**Dumbledore: That's right.**

**Hermione: Godric Gryffindor was one of the four Founders of Hogwarts. If anything can destroy a Horcrux, that sword is it.**

**Ron: This thing is so damn awesome. Oh my god, every wizard should have a sword, not this stupid drumstick. (starts play fighting with the sword on his own)**

"Yeah, I agree. Swords are cooler and a bit more reassuring than a piece of wood with a feather in it."

**Harry: You know, we know what a Horcrux is but how can we find it? Where are they? Where's the last one?**

**Dumbledore: You find them with this. Looks like G-unit bling (Ron takes it and drops the sword) but it's actually a Horcrux seeking medallion.**

"We need one of them!"

"it wouldn't tell you much with me around."

**Harry: Wait, that's a Horcrux seeking medallion? That sounds a little too convenient.**

**Dumbledore: You don't' have trouble with a Time Turner but you have trouble with a Horcrux seeking medallion?**

**Hermione: wait, so if he has this piece of bling, then why are Ron and I even here?**

**Ron: Yeah, Voldemort isn't any of our business.**

**Dumbledore: Hermione Granger (glares at Ron), when one of you gots a problem then that means all three of you has got a problem. What would Zac Efron say in a time like this? (singing) We're all in this together. (talking) Anyways, you just got to find the Horcrux and you've got to destroy it.**

"I know that song…it's one of my favorites!"

**It's the only way to beat the Dark…what is going on? This is…oh! It must be the Death Eaters. They're coming to kill me. Kids, get your beards on.**

**Hermione: We don't have any beards!**

**Dumbledore: I thought I told you to bring beards!**

**Harry: No, we have the Invisibility Cloak!**

**Dumbledore: Oh, well put that on but it's not a beard.**

**Death Eater A: Hey, are you Dumbledore?**

**Dumbledore: No, you see I've got this beard on.**

**Death Eater A: Well, have you seen him?**

**Dumbledore: Oh I thought I saw someone over there by that bureau but I could have just been imagining what I would look like without this beard.**

**Death Eater A: Alright everyone, spread out and look for Dumbledore. (all three Death Eaters search office) He's got to be around here somewhere.**

**Dumbledore: Be careful with the Zac Efron poster, it's an antique.**

**Death Eater A: Why do you care so much about Zefron?**

**Dumbledore: I don't I just appreciate his charms and hair.**

**Harry: yeah but everyone knows I like him best!**

"Damn it Harry! You're so stupid." Everyone cracked a smile as Harry yelled at his character.

**Death Eater B: What was that?**

**Death eater C: I was I could say that it was me because I feel that I love Zefron the most but it was definitely a voice from within this room.**

**Death Eater B: Is it an invisible man?**

**Death Eater C: Could the predator be in the room?**

**Death Eater A: Begin an invisible man search! (Dumbledore glances at the trio)**

**Dumbledore: Alright it's me. It's Dumbledore.**

**Death Eater B: Dumbledore, where's you come from?**

**Dumbledore: The man with the beard turned me in.**

"Don't worry sir, we know you're not a slimy little Slytherin."

"Not all Slytherins are whimps Weasley."

"Nope, just the majority."

**Death Eater B" Now we've got you just where we want you.**

**Dumbledore: Yes, but what I don't understand is how?**

**Death Eater C: We had the help from a man on the inside. Someone who trusted, someone you may have even loved.**

**Harry: Slughorn?**

**Hermione: Lockhart?**

**Dumbledore: Aberforth my brother?**

"You have a brother?"

"Yes I do. He runs eh Hogshead in Hogsmeade."

**Draco: No, it was me.**

**Dumbledore: Malfoy, you little shit.**

**Draco: That's right Dumbledore. I betrayed everyone and now I'm going to kill you.**

Draco watched his character but knew that his character wouldn't do it. He himself couldn't fulfill the Dark Lord's mission so he doubted he actually went through with it.

**Dumbledore: No you're not. Draco, if you were going to kill me you would have done so already.**

**Draco: No-no-no, not necessarily true. I just wanted to offer you one more game of Connect-Four before I offed you.**

**Dumbledore: Draco, there are other options. You know it's time that you looked inside yourself and figure out what it is you really want.**

**Draco: I want Hermione Granger…and a rocket ship.**

"Ah, you want me Malfoy?" Hermione was being devious on purpose as the Slytherin looked surprised. He didn't want her though, or the ship, but he wanted to fit in and be secure and it seemed that being on the side of good, while more dangerous, got you more of what you wanted and needed.

"Not in your dreams granger."

**Dumbledore: Then why didn't you just take the girl out to a Happy Meal and go to space camp? Come on, murder leads to a life of despair and desperation. I know you're going to do that right thing, okay. That a boy!**

**Snape: What the devil is going on here?**

"One life saved, two to go."

**Death Eater A: Snape, we've got Dumbledore cornered.**

**Snape: Well, what are we waiting for? Kill him! Do it Draco.**

**Draco: I don't think I can.**

**Snape: Coward! Ten points from Gryffindor!**

"WHY US?"

**Dumbledore: I don't' understand. I gave you my letterman jacket.**

**Snape: It never fit. (curses Dumbledore)**

**Dumbledore: Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I could have shrunk it with magic. Severus, please don't kill me!**

**Snape: Avada Kedavra! (Dumbledore chokes a bit and dies…Death Eaters cheer while the students are in shock)**

**Harry: I hate Snape, I hate Snape, I hate Snape, I hate Snape. I hate him I'm gonna kill him.**

"Would you really Potter?"

"I shot Bellatrix with the Cruciatus Curse after Sirius died." Harry looked right into the Potions Master's eyes and Snape saw the truth in that. It probably didn't work though as pleasure at their pain had to be present, righteous anger would have shocked her into knowing he wasn't fooling around.

**Hermione: It's not your fault Harry!**

**Harry: No, it is my fault, don't you understand? Everybody is dying because of me. First Cedric and now Dumbledore, I can't do it anymore!**

**Ron: Come on, let's go to the Burrow.**

**Harry: No!**

"I won't put your family in more danger like that." Ron let Ginny crawl over him to sit on Harry's lap, the ice bag having been moved to the floor a bit ago. She was clutching him, thinking on how these events were supposed to happen in some form.

**Don't you get it? I have to do this by myself. I did it once when I was a baby, I can't have you guys be near me you're too much a risk.**

**Hermione: No, we don't care about the risk!**

**Harry: No, you don't understand, you have to get away from me.**

**Ron: You can't mean that?**

Hermione had gotten up and forced them all to move a bit so that she was on Harry's other side. This musical was getting darker and she wanted to be with her friend. She knew he would think it was all his fault but she knew it was the deranged villain sitting across from them.

**Harry: I do. Leave me alone! (runs off)**

No one moved as the next video loaded up.


	20. Act 2 Scene 4

Act 2 Scene 4

**Voldemort: Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic!**

**Minister: I still don't believe you're back.**

Everyone let out a weak chuckle at that. He really was stupid enough to do that.

**Voldemort: Believe this Fudge, Avada Kedavra!**

**Minister: A heart-attack, surely…(cringes in pain again and dies)**

**Bellatrix: Wohoo! Yes, the Ministry has fallen! Yes, without the Minister, you'll be the King of All Magic!**

"She's really laying it on thick isn't she?"

"Ron, shut up."

**Mhmm, Voldemort, right here, right now on the Minster's desk!**

**Voldemort: I'm gonna get yah! I'm gonna get yah! Come here Trixie! (chases her around the desk in foreplay)**

"Ugh, gross…"

**You wanna try something new?**

**Bellatrix: Oh so new!**

**Voldemort: Get on the desk. (Bellatrix lays on the desk) Now sit up, bitch. (sits up)**

The teens had closed their eyes as the adults look grossed out that they would do this.

**Bellatrix: Yes, command me my Lord. (Voldemort feels her up and then sits with his back to hers)**

"Oh, he misses Quirrell!"

**Voldemort: That's nice.**

**Bellatrix: So what do we do now?**

**Voldemort: Anything we want, hang out mostly. We can watch a movie, how about **_**She's All That**_**, I haven't seen the beginning of it.**

**Bellatrix: Are you feeling okay my Lord?**

**Voldemort: Of course I am Quirrell!**

**Bellatrix: Alright, that's the dozenth time you've called me that.**

**Voldemort: No I uh, I called you a squirrel. I called you a squirrel.**

**Bellatrix: No, you're thinking of that pion that we sent to Azkaban.**

**Voldemort: He's not a pion. More of a man than you'll ever be.**

**Bellatrix: I can't do this. If I'm going to be evil with all of you, then I have to be evil with all of you.**

**Voldemort: Evil with all of me? What does that mean? I'm all right here.**

**Bellatrix: No, there are pieces of you missing.**

**Voldemort: Are you talking about my Horcruxes? 'Cause if it weren't for those I wouldn't even be here right now!**

**Harry: (singing) I can't remember Dad and I can't remember Mom. Aunts and uncles aren't quite the same but I had him and life seemed fair. Yes, I had him. He was there to give me strength, show concern, ask for nothing in return. Say Hello, talk me through, do the things that fathers should do…and I'm missing you! I'm just missing you.**

Harry felt tears burn the back of his eyes at the thought if Dumbledore died. The old professor was like a grandfather to him, where Sirius had been like a father. Quirrell came out then, in prison garb and start to sing with Harry.

**Quirrell: There it is, he's gone and he's hung me out to dry. The joy he said he felt, well, I guess it was a lie but when I had him my life was fine. When I had him, he was mine. He'd share his thoughts, be a friend, stick with until the end. Watch a movie, roller skate, fill the world with fear and hate…**

**Both: And I'm missing you! I'm just missing you. Now I'm all alone, now you're gone for good. Now I'm stuck right here wishing I understood.**

**Harry: You gave me hope when my spells weren't right.**

**Quirrell: You gave me someone to hold every night…and I'm missing you.**

**Harry: I'm just missing you.**

**Quirrell: I'm just missing you.**

**Harry: I'm just missing you.**

**Voldemort: Shit.**

**Death Eater: My Dark Lord, news from Severus Snape, Dumbledore is dead and the Dementors have control the castle. Hogwarts is yours my dark Lord.**

**Voldemort: Excellent! Prepare my flying machine. Looks like I'm going back to Hogwarts.**

"The battle begins…" No one was even laughing anymore, the atmosphere was tense with Voldemort smiling in satisfaction that his plans would work as the others tried to comprehend doing this with no guidance.


	21. Act 2 Scene 5

Act 2 Scene 5

**Ginny: Harry!**

**Harry: Ginny, what are you doing here? Get out of here.**

"The only person who can probably break through Harry's stubbornness, you get him Gin."

"It was same with me and your father, only Lily could ever get through to us." Snape tried to be supportive but he knew he was pushing it with the Dark Lord here.

**Ginny: No, there's no place to go, the Death Eaters are all over the castle.**

**Harry: I know and they're looking for me and if they find me you're going to be with…and you're going to get in trouble. Get out of here!**

**Ginny: What are you going to do?**

**Harry: I don't know Ginny, I'm not cut out for this kind of thing.**

**Ginny: You have to do something. I don't' know what you can do but you can to do it. You're Harry Potter…(Harry: NO!) You're the Boy-Who-Lived!**

**Harry: No Ginny, you don't get it! If you guys get it, I'm just a twelve year old kid.**

"Being sixteen isn't much better."

**Ginny, I'm sorry but I'm alone. It's hopeless. Alright?**

**Ginny: (singing) I've been alone, surrounded by darkness and I've seen how heartless the world can be. I've seen you crying. You felt like it's hopeless. I'll always do my best to make you see. 'Cause Harry you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down. 'Cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true.**

Ginny felt Harry hold her tighter and felt her hair get a little wet. She was also crying onto his shirt, knowing this is what they all needed; a reminder that they are all together.

**It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through. Now I know it ain't easy,**

**Harry: No it ain't easy.**

**Ginny: But it ain't hard trying.**

**Harry: It's so hard trying.**

**Ginny: Every time I see you smiling and I feel you so close to me. Tell me,**

**Both: 'Cause baby you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through.**

**Harry: Well I still have trouble, I trip and stumble trying to make sense of things some times. I look for reasons, but I don't need 'em. All I need is to look in your eyes and I realize…**

**Ron: Hey Harry.**

"We will never leave you, no matter how much you prod us. You are stuck with us until we all die." All the Gryffindors started singing with the cast, holding each other.

**All Four: "Baby, you're not alone 'cause you're here with me and nothing's gonna ever take us down. 'Cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through."**

**Harry: You guys, I'm so glad you came back, sorry for when I shouted, 'cause it don't matter what'll come to be, **

**All Four: Our love is all we need…**

**Ron: To make…**

**Hermione: To make…**

**Ginny: To make…**

**Harry: To make…**

**All four: It through.**

**Hermione: Okay, now that we have that four-part harmony out of the way, we gotta look for that Horcrux.**

**Ron: Well, it could be anywhere. If I had a Horcrux, I would drop it in the bottom of the ocean or I would put it in a pyramid with King Tut and all of his jewels.**

"If one of them is really in the ocean, we're completely screwed because I'm not swimming that far down for anything."

**Or I would blast it into space with a monkey who knew nothing about Horcruxes.**

**Hermione: Or it could be hidden somewhere around the mundane British countryside. Our search could entail months of depressing camping, breaking into Gringotts, to drinking boatloads of Polyjuice Potion.**

**Harry: Well, medallion says that's dumb so we're not going to do that. But it does say it's in one convenient place, get this, Hogwarts.**

**Ron: That's awesome I love Hogwarts.**

Voldemort panicked a bit. The diadem was in Hogwarts and from what he's heard, they knew this room existed. He didn't know that Dumbledore had seen the reaction to a Horcrux being in Hogwarts. One was really there.

**Harry: Even better, it's in Dumbledore's office.**

**Ron: That's bitchin'.**

**Harry: So let's go, wait a second. Wait a second, hold the phone how did you get here? Death Eaters are all over Hogwarts.**

**Ginny: Oh, I had help.**

**Ron: From who? (Ginny screams and Malfoy walks out)**

**Ron: Malfoy!**

**Ginny: No-no-no, he's really nice now.**

"The day I defend Malfoy, I'll where yellow."

**Draco: Oh yeah, I've just wanted to say that song you guys sang was really beautiful (Gryffindors say thanks in various ways) and um, while I was backstage, I was working out my high fifth and thought maybe I could join you but you wrapped it up before I could chime in there. Maybe if you do a reprise I could have a little go at it. So, but as Ginny said, I'm really nice now and I just feel awful about what happened but I mean, could you argue that this was my fault?**

"Yeah, we can."

"We'll win it too."

"You try going against Hermione, you never win."

**Ron: Absolutely.**

**Harry: Of course.**

**Hermione: Yes.**

**Draco: Yeah, that would be a safe argument. But let me ask you one question: do you think I'm happy about this?**

**Ron: Oh my god, Malfoy just because you're upset doesn't mean you're off the hook.**

**Harry: Yeah, furthermore do you wanna kick your own ass or should we do it for you?**

Draco laughed a bit at the situation his character was in…three on one with the Golden trio was not the best of circumstances. Potter had the power and agility, Granger had the arsenal of spells and Weasley had strategy. They were quite the team and if you added the Weaslette into it, she had a bit of each in her, making her dangerous on her own let alone backed up by her best friend, lover, and brother.

**Draco: Well, I guess if you're giving me the option, I'll kick my own ass. First, I should teach you how to get into Dumbledore's office. It's ironically the same way the Death Eaters got in.**

**Hermione: Okay, why don't you boys head off to Dumbledore's office, okay, and Ginny and I will take the Invisibility Cloak and we'll see if we can contact the Order of the Phoenix. We haven't really seen them the whole play.**

"This is why Hermione is the logical one."

**Harry: That's a good plan, don't' touch me, let's get out of here, let's go.**

**Ron: Hey Hermione, come down stage. Um, listen uh shit, uh, alright hey, so I've been acting like a real jerk-ass lately. You know that and uh, I'm sorry. It's just seeing you dance with everyone at the Yule Ball just made me kind of jealous. I was jealous.**

**Hermione: "You were jealous?"** Hermione looked at Ron and he was blushing. She leaned past Harry and Ginny to kiss his cheek. He smiled at her and kissed her cheek back.

**Ron: That's the third time I've said I was jealous.**

**Hermione: Okay, Ron we don't really have to talk about this right now.**

**Ron: Well, what if the Death Eaters get us? What if we don't' come back you know?**

**Hermione: Ron, don't say that (Ron grabs her face and kisses her)**

"FINALLY!" Harry and Ginny look at them and Harry was poked to move so he stood up, holding Ginny in his arms, much to her chagrin, and let Hermione move to Ron's lap before sitting back down. Ron put his arm around his best friend and sister while holding hands with Hermione.

**Ron: Whoa. (smell each other's breathe, Ron sprays stuff in her mouth) It's ungodly. (puts gum in her mouth) Here take two. Chew it. (smells breathe again and Hermione feels him up and they do weird tongue kiss thing and end up on the floor) -Ron acts like He-man- Let's go kill Voldemort!**

"Gross you two! I never want to see that, ever!"

"I don't' think that is a very public thing to do Harry."

"Good, keep him in line Hermione."


	22. Act 2 Scene 6

Act 2 Scene 6

**Draco: Do you not see this Zefron poster?**

**Ron: Yeah, we know Malfoy.**

**Harry: We already know about it.**

**Ron: Malfoy, it's not that big of a deal, can we just look for some Horcruxes please? Is this thing of pencils a Horcrux?**

**Harry: (with medallion) No, (Malfoy with drawer) Nope.**

**Ron: Is this a Horcrux?**

**Harry: Nope.**

**Draco: Pack of doughnuts?**

**Harry: Nope.**

**Ron: Those are snacks, those are snacks (takes the doughnuts and put in pocket) Is this a Horcrux? (sword)**

**Harry: No.**

**Ron: This could take forever, so many things in this room. The only thing with real value, is that Zefron poster.**

"Ha, it's the poster."

**Harry: Wait a second, you don't think, no. Anything relating to Zac Efron would never be evil.**

**Ron: Not even close.**

**Harry: That's impossible…(Voldemort pops into poster) Ah! Ron, kill it. Kill it Ron, it's the last Horcrux! Kill it.**

**Draco: Don't kill it, it's Zefron.**

**Ron: I know, he's so charismatic!**

**Horcrux: Don't kill me, I'm not your enemy. Potter is the enemy.**

**Ron: No, Harry's my friend.**

"Thanks Ron, but that's not how they work. Remember the diary, they play to your fears and deepest desires."

**Horcrux: But you have to get your head in the game Weasley. He will betray you, take that which you want the most.**

**Harry: It's a lie Ron don't listen to him, he's lying!**

"I will never take Hermione from you, you can have her." Hermione shot a shocked look at Harry but he winked at her, trying to lighten the mood.

**Horcrux: I know your thoughts Ron Weasley, I know what you truly desire. Hello Ron! (Horcrux goes from Voldemort to Hermione)**

**Ron: Oh my god Hermione, you've lost weight.**

**Horcrux: That's right, I'm in shape for Harry Potter.**

"Eww….she's practically my sister."

**Ron: Wait, what, Harry?**

**Horcrux: That's right, as long as Harry's around you'll always be second best; least loved. But if Harry Potter were gone then we could be together forever.**

**Harry: Ron, it's not true Ron.**

**Ron: Yeah, Harry's my friend.**

**Horcrux: But don't you want me Ron? (Ron: Yes.) Don't you love me Ron? (Ron: Yes) Then you know what you have to do Ron.**

**Ron: Yes, I must kill Harry.**

Ron and Harry looked at each other, knowing that when the time came for them to do this, they would know to believe in each other.

**Horcrux: That's right.**

**Harry: Ron, no! It's a trick Ron. Don't listen to her. Listen, stop it, Hermione's one of my best friends. I would never do anything to hurt you or her.**

**Horcrux: Lies Weasley, all lies.**

**Harry: Ron, it's not true, you're my best friend!**

"Why aren't you defending yourself?"

"I will never harm Hermione or Ron or Ginny. I will never raise a weapon or my wand to them."

**Come on, I'm your best friend. NO, Ron please!**

**Ron: ARGH! –stabs poster-**

**Harry: Do it again. –hits poster again-**

**(Ron collapses and then opens doughnuts)**

**Draco: (picking up poster) Oh a little bit of tape and it's fine.**

**Harry: Ron, you had me going there for a minute there buddy.**

"Had me going too, to be honest. Would you really not defend yourself if we attacked you?"

"Yup, because I don't believe in hurting the ones you love, no matter the circumstances."

**Ron: Yeah, sorry about that pal, it's just everything she was saying you know, I couldn't...I don't know.**

**Harry: What?**

**Ron: Even if that's how she did feel about you and me, well it wouldn't matter. You're my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt you. -both are choking on emotion-**

"Mates?"

"Mates till the end." Harry wrapped his left arm up around Ron, connecting the four of them.

**I mean 'cause I love you.**

**Harry: I love you too man. –hug-**

"Do we get to see the recreation?"

"Nope, you don't."

**Draco: Well then listen chaps, as fun as this was, I thought destroying the Horcrux would be much harder.**

**Harry: Yeah me too.**

**Ron: When you think about it? Horcruxes are just kind of stupid.**

"Except one still survives and it's the one no one but my followers and I are willing to destroy." Harry glared at the Dark Lord as he smirked that he had a fail-safe now. Potter had to survive but that didn't mean that he couldn't kill all of Potter's friends and torture him until he died.

**Bellatrix: Wands down boys! (Hermione is in her clutches and Ginny in a Death Eater's)**

**Draco: How did you idiots get captured? You were invisible!**

**Hermione: Sorry!**

**Bellatrix: Do it Potter or they die! **

**Harry: Well, it looks like we have our backs against the wall with nowhere to go. Put your swords down, and wands. (they all drop their weapons)**

**Bellatrix: Ah, look at Baby Potter, giving orders to his itty bitty diaper friends.**

"Oh I hate when she calls me that."

**Harry: I'm not a baby. I'm not a baby, I'm twelve.**

**Snape: What the devil is going on here? Whoa, déja-vous.**

**Bellatrix: Welcome Snape, I love it! We have Potter and his friends at last.**

**Hermione: Oh, you are a very mean person!**

**Ron: Yeah, Dumbledore trusted you!**

**Harry: Yeah, you're a big fat traitor Snape.**

**Snape: Oh, a traitor am I Potter? You're exactly right. I am a traitor because I'm about to betray someone. Right now…hi-yah! (Cuts a Death Eater's hand off, freeing Ginny)**

Voldemort eyed the spy now. Who was he actually spying for?

**Bat-Bogey Hex!**

**Bellatrix: Expelliarmous! Serpentsortia! (students cringe)**

"Never thought I'd say this but I feel your pain Professor."

**Snape: My wiener!**

This forced all the kids to laugh, even though the fact that they lose both professors in the room was in their minds. It was just too funny.

**Harry: Snape, no!**

**Bellatrix: Oh, don't even think about moving unless anyone of you wants a snake to the wiener. Now come on Potter, you're coming with me. Only the Dark Lord has the right to kill you. Come on! (Harry starts to follow)**

**Mrs. Weasley: Kids!**

**Ginny and Ron: Mom?**

**Harry: Mrs. Weasley?**

**Bellatrix: Who the hell are you?**

The Gryffindors all cheered for Mrs. Weasley finally coming in.

**Mrs. Weasley: I'm Molly Weasley and those are my kids. Avada Kedavra!**

**Bellatrix: Uh, that's not fair.**

**Mrs. Weasley: Die, bitch.**

"Yeah, go Mum!"

"Molly Weasley is the best!"

**Ron: Holy shit, Mom you just killed Bellatrix. I thought you were going to tuck in her shirt or make her do the dishes.**

"Yeah, sounds like Mum."

**Mrs. Weasley: (clap) Stupid kids! (Ron and Ginny grab their ears)**

"So that explains the clap thing!"

**Desperate times call for desperate measures. Even the unforgivable can be considered forgivable sometimes.**

**Ginny: What are you doing here?**

**Mrs. Weasley: I came here with the Order of the Phoenix; Lupin, Tonks, Mad-eye Moody, Sirius Black, and your brother Fred.**

"Wait, that's a list…"

"Oh no…"

**Ron: Oh great, where are they?**

**Mrs. Weasley: They're all dead.**

The room got quiet as the death toll added up. Sirius was already dead but Lupin, Tonks, Fred, they were still alive back in the real universe. Harry felt his heart break, all the Marauders were dead and their legacy was a Horcrux, destined to keep their murderer alive. Ginny and Ron were trying to process losing Fred, it just didn't seem possible to have one twin and not the other.

"No, that can't happen…"

**Ginny: Fred? No.**

**Mrs. Weasley: Anyway, just came here to save your lives, go back to what you were doing. Disapparate!**

"They're dead. What does Fate have against us? The Marauders are all dead and the son of Prongs is a bloody piece of dark Magic keeping their murderer alive? Why me?" No one could answer that but Voldemort was relishing in the torment and knowledge that people were dying.


	23. Act 2 Scene 7

Act 2 Scene 7

**Harry: Snape, Snape! Um, Expelliarmous! -snake is taken off his genitals-**

**Ron: Die, die, die! –stomps snake to death-**

**Hermione: Oh, Harry, this does not look good. That is a coral snake and coral snake is a highly poisonous snake.**

**Snape: She's right. It's too late for me now. Before I go, I need to tell you there is another Horcrux!**

**Hermione: How can that be? All the Horcruxes have been destroyed.**

**Snape: No, there's a seventh one.**

**Ron: I really hope it's not an Ashley Tisdale poster, I can't do that.**

**Snape: Check the medallion.**

**Harry: It doesn't say anything.**

**Snape: Give it to Granger.**

Harry felt himself being grabbed by all his friends. So, he did have to die.

**Hermione: Wait a minute, it says there's one right here but I don't understand.**

**Harry: Yeah.**

**Snape: Harry, the night Voldemort killed your parents, he tried to destroy you but his body was destroyed instead. When that happened, a part of his soul was blasted away from the whole and attached itself to you.**

"His soul is so unstable that your parents' deaths were enough to activate the Horcrux magic and the piece latched to the only living thing in the room. I'm so sorry Harry, I had hoped to find a way to remove it but I can't seem to find anything."

"It's okay Dumbledore, thanks for trying, that's all I could ask for. I can also thank you for letting me have as normal a life as possible." Ginny and Hermione were crying as they each clung to Harry. Ron gripped his shoulder and felt for his best friend.

**Voldemort can never truly die until all of the Horcruxes have been destroyed.**

**Hermione: But, if Harry's a Horcrux, I mean, does that mean Harry has to be destroyed?**

**Harry: There's got to be another way.**

**Snape: No, Potter, I'll show you what you need to do. Watch very carefully. (dies)**

Harry cringed as the character died. He knew it was inevitable he would die but he was hoping that maybe they would win and he would die old and happy with Ginny and their children and grandchildren. Instead, he was the last necessary victim so someone else could finish him off.

**Draco: He didn't even do anything.**

**Harry: It's because he's dead you dumb motherfu…**

**Voldemort: People of Hogwarts, my Death Eaters have taken the castle and your Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is dead. Continue to resist and you will be killed one-by-one. But, there need not be war between us, you've all fought so valiantly and I'm willing to offer you positions in my new world order (as my slaves). Give up now and be forgiven. I command my Death Eaters to stand down. Now, Harry Potter, I speak directly to you. If you do not wish for those close to you to continue to suffer and die on your behalf, you will come face me yourself. I'll be waiting for you in the Forbidden Forest for one hour. At the end of that hour, if you have not come to face me, if you have not turned yourself in, the battle recommences. This time, Potter, I'll shall enter the play myself and I will find you and I will murder every last man (Ron reacts), woman (Hermione reacts), and child (Draco: No.) who tries to conceal you from me. Voldemort out, bitches.**

"You bloody piece of scum, of course I'll go to you. I now know that when you're memory goes, I'll know I'm a Horcrux and that when I destroy all of yours, I'll go and let you kill me to extend the protection my mother gave me to my loved one. You'll be at a huge disadvantage there." Harry said it with so much malice and determination that his friends looked at the true Savior of their World, the side Harry kept under lock and key, his magic that was unpredictable for as long as he had something against his soul keeping it unstable.

**Hermione: Alright guys, don't worry. We still have an hour. Okay, we just need to come up with a plan.**

**Harry: There's no plan Hermione. I know what I have to do. I have to die.**

**Ginny: No-no-no, there's gotta be another way.**

**Hermione: Well, maybe there's something in this book you know? We could find some sort of enchantment that'll nullify the…**

**Harry: No-no-no, Hermione, forget about it. There's only one thing to do; I have to die. I love you all, except you Draco. I can't fucking stand you.**

"Wow, Harry, I have never heard that language from you before."

"You probably never will."

**Bye.**

**Ginny: Harry?**

**Ron: Harry!**

**Death Eater: He's not coming my Lord.**

**Voldemort: It seems that way. Well, Death Eaters, it looks like we're going back to seize the castle. This is what Potter has chosen. Funny, I-I expected…I expected him to come. It seems I was mistaken.**

**Harry: You weren't.**

**Voldemort: Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. Crucio! (Harry drops in pain)**

Harry cringed as he watched himself fall. He could vaguely remember what it felt like.

"I can remind you easily what it feels like Potter."

"I don't think so Voldemort." Ginny was glaring at the Dark Lord as he smirked in satisfaction. Potter would die.

**Crucio! You're not even going to fight back? (Harry throws his wand) You're weak. Weak, just like your parents. They did not deserve to live in this world, in My world. Prepare to join them, prepare to die. Avada Kedavra!**

The video stopped of its own accord as Hermione and Ginny cried out. They both attacked Harry in a hug while Ron took them all into his own arms, the protector of the group. None of the four Gryffindors had dry eyes or faces as they watched their best friend, their brother, and the love of their life die at the hand of Voldemort to make it easier for someone else to finish him. Dumbledore bowed his head and even Draco was sullen. Potter was the only hope the Light had and he was dead.

"Well, let's get on with me ruling the world and taking over Hogwarts. I like how the future is ending and I don't care if I lose this experience, the fact that I win won't go away." Unfortunately the musical started up again, making everyone focus on it.

**Death Eaters: Wohoo! Whoa! Voldy! Voldy! You've done it my Lord. Potter is dead, no one shall ever question your powers again.**

**Voldemort: Yes…**

**Death Eater: Doesn't this please you my Lord?**

**Voldemort: (checking Harry's body) Yeah, yeah it's great. It's great. I just thought it might make me feel less empty inside.**

"Great, so I don't even get the satisfaction that you are forever happy with my death?"

"Potter, it would make me the happiest man alive if I were to kill you. You don't need to doubt that."

**Well Death Eaters, let's go back to Hogwarts to tell them what has become of their hero.**

"That's the end of the video. Now, it's time to see how we take it."


	24. Act 2 Scene 8

Act 2 Scene 8

**Dumbledore: Hey Harry.**

**Harry: Whoa!**

"That's it then, I'm really dead." Dumbledore had hoped the blood exchange would keep Harry alive but it looks like he put too much faith in love this time.

**Dumbledore, what? Where am I? I thought I was dead, I got shot by Voldemort.**

**Dumbledore: Let's just say you're somewhere between our world and theirs.**

**Harry: What, did I survive?**

**Dumbledore: It wouldn't be the first time Potter. Take a seat.**

**Harry: Alright.**

**Dumbledore: Harry, have you ever heard of a…sit down…ever heard of a love shield?**

**Harry: Uh, no but it sounds like it's kind of fruity.**

"This is not happening…no one died for him!"

"There hadn't needed been a sacrifice because it was made already."

**Dumbledore: A love shield is anything but fruity. It's when somebody loves you so much that if they were ever willing to give their life for you, that love literally becomes a shield which surrounds your body, protects you from any form of Dark Magic.**

**Harry: So, that happened to me? I have a love shield.**

**Dumbledore: Harry, it's time for you to learn all the things you should have learned all these seven years ago.**

"When I was five?"

"I think it's a typo in their story."

**Which really would have helped you along the way. The love shield protects you the first time, Voldemort accidently turned you into the seventh Horcrux, on the night you already knew about.**

**Harry: That's when my parents died.**

**Dumbledore: Exactly and when he tried to kill you the second time, he was actually unknowingly killing the piece of himself inside of you and I've known the whole time.**

"That isn't exactly why you survived and I have a plan laid out that should protect you even further when this moment happens."

**Harry: You knew this whole time, you bastard.**

**Dumbledore: Hey, hey, they don't call me the greatest wizard that ever lived for nothing. Harry, it is time for you to get your cute little butt back there and fight him as a mortal man. Except this time, he'll be a mortal man too.**

**Harry: Dumbledore, I get what you're saying. I know what I have to do.**

**Dumbledore: Good boy.**

**Harry: Hey, before I go, um so your clairvoyant now right? You can see the past, present, and future all at the same time?**

**Dumbledore: Yeah.**

**Harry: Can you tell me how Lost ends?**

**Dumbledore: Harry, there are some questions even I can't answer.**

**Harry: Thanks man.**

**Dumbledore: Hey, no problem, third door on your left there.**

**Rumbleroar: Are you ready to go Dumbledore?**

**Dumbledore: Sure am Rumbleroar.**

"Bloody hell, Pigfarts exists in that world."

"Yeah, on the other side of life."

**Rumbleroar: And you're sure that you don't want to let Harry Potter know that you're really still alive?"**

"Ah, yeah, this won't happen. I'm sorry Harry."

"No problem sir."

**Dumbledore: Eh, no, Pigfarts has been a closely guarded secret for hundreds of years. Better to keep it that way.**

**Rumbleroar: I suppose you're right. Do you have your spacesuit Dumbledore?**

**Dumbledore: Oh, thank you for reminding me. Ready to go Rumby?**

**Rumbleroar: I sure am, to Pigfarts! RUMBLEROAR!**

"Well, we know you are enjoying life."

"I can't believe Potter survived, you really don't know how to die."

**Voldemort: People of Hogwarts, it's me. Harry Potter is dead. He was killed while running away, trying to save himself,**

"Of course, you would defile his sacrifice! You monster!" Harry grabbed Ginny while Hermione was restrained by Ron before they could launch themselves at Voldemort. Voldemort only laughed.

**While you laid down your lives for him. The battle is won. My Death Eaters outnumber you. Continue to resist and be slaughtered. Come out of the castle, kneel before me and you may be spared.**

**Ron: Okay, uh, you guys barricade the door. Go do it right now. (students barricade door) Cho, you go see if Neville's dead. Um, you guys, go get snacks!**

"Lesson learned, don't let Ron run the DA without Hermione to help him."

"Thanks Harry."

**Oh shit, we barricaded the door. Um, me, I will-will…(pulls out a cigarette and throws it away) quit. Well, there's only one thing we can do. We're going to fight.**

**Draco: Come on, I'm tired. Can't we just be Death Eaters?**

**Ron: No, no we can't just be Death Eaters. Okay? We are gonna fight and we are gonna fight so hard, that we're gonna win. (singing) He thinks that we're finished. He thinks that we're done. He thinks that it's over, his battle is won! Ha! He thinks that we're finished, no, but we aren't through. Stop and think my friends what would Harry do for you?**

**Hermione: Harry never gave up the fight. Harry stood up for what is right. Well, now it's our turn.**

**Both: Our turn! Make a joyful sound, Voldemort is going down!**

**Ron: Come on!**

**Hermione: Get up guys.**

**Ron: Get in a line!**

"Thanks guys, you are the best friends a guy could ask for."

"We would fight. We have lost too much to ever give up."

**Ron, Hermione, and Ginny: We must unite so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout! Voldemort is going down.**

**Hermione: Can't you feel the fire burning? Now it's time to be a man, a great big-muscley-super big-super hot man! (Students: AH!)  
>Everyone: We won't be pushed around anymore. We'll be a force you cannot ignore. We'll be an army for Dumbledore! For Dumbledore! We must unite, so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout! Voldemort is going down.<strong>

**Harry: Guys, I'm alive! (everyone goes crazy) Hey, I know how to defeat Voldemort. Everybody follow me okay?**

**Everyone: We must unite so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout. Voldemort is going…**

**Harry: We must unite, so we can fight!**

**Everyone: Voldemort is going down!**

**Ron: Yeah!**

"Damn it Potter, just die already!"

"Over your dead body."

"You little brat…"


	25. Act 2 Scene 9

Act 2 Scene 9

"Guys, it's the last video and then we lose Voldemort and get to watch Harry sing about his name!" Hermione was pumped up after listening to that song about fighting Voldemort and she was ready to see how their lives ended.

**Ron: No, it's cool we barricaded it. He can't get in, we barricaded the door. It's alright, it's impossible. (Freak out when Voldemort comes through the wall)**

**Voldemort: Avada Kedavra! (curses the barricade) WHAT? (sees Harry) Potter, how many times do I have to kill you boy?**

**Harry: Apparently, more than once but it's all over Voldemort. You can't kill me this time. Nobody help me, I've got to do this by myself.**

"This time you do…it will ensure your victory."

**Voldemort: He doesn't mean that. It's not how he operates, is it boy? Who are you going to use as a human shield this time Potter?**

**Hermione: Ron! (Ron had stepped forward but Hermione drew him back)**

"Ron, you do that again and I'll kill you myself."

"You can do it but we can't?"

"I have ways of coming back, you three don't."

"Fine, but I'll kill yah once this is over with."

**Harry: Nobody, because this time it's just you and me because all the Horcruxes are gone. I destroyed them all.**

**Voldemort: What? Even my Zefron poster?**

**Harry: Especially the Zefron poster.**

**Voldemort: NO! Curse you Potter you'll die for that.**

**Harry: No I won't because you can't kill me.**

"Oh Potter I still have time…"

**And you can't kill any of these people.**

**Voldemort: What the fuck are you on about?**

**Harry: You don't know what the stakes are Voldemort, I was prepared to die to save these people.**

**Voldemort: But you didn't!**

**Harry: But I meant to and that's what did it. I've done what my mother did for me for these people. I've given them magical sanctuary so you can't hurt me or these people ever again.**

**Voldemort: So, what? Who cares about these children, it's you I want dead Potter. What's to stop you from dying when I strike?**

"At that point, I don't' think anything will stop me from dying."

**Harry: Just one thing, think of all the people you've hurt, all the lives you've destroyed-all the people you've killed okay. Try a little slice of remorse pie.**

**Voldemort: What?**

**Harry: There's gotta be one person, one thing in your life you miss, that you regret.**

**Voldemort: Well, maybe there's one…NO! There isn't! The jokes on you Potter. I don't care about anybody.**

**Harry: I know, that's what makes you such a piece of shit. You see at Hogwarts, we all stick together. We love one another, we're friends. My love is protecting these guys and their love is all I need to protect me from you.**

**Voldemort: Let's put that theory to the test Potter. Avada Kedavra!**

**Harry: Expelliarmous! (Voldemort Dies)**

**Cho: Well, Chocolate frogs, Harry Potter did it y'all. (everyone cheers)**

"We won?"

"We won, we beat Voldemort!" The Gryffindors all hugged and even let Draco join. They would win the battle! The three who died all watched the teenagers-turned-survivors celebrate. They would go to hell and come back alive.

**Ron: WHOA! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (Harry stops making out with Ginny on the floor and looks at Ron annoyed)**

"I think we can do that when we win."

"Give everyone a show?"

"No, show them that even though you saved them, I own you." Ginny preceded to kiss him soundly as Hermione and Draco laughed at Ron's expression of disgust and humor.

**Harry: What?**

**Ron: Listen, hey, I just want to let you guys know that I'm totally cool with it. Go right ahead. Come on Hermione, make out with me. (lick each other quickly)**

**Hermione: Well guys, I guess that ties up all the loose ends.**

**Harry: Yeah, that's cool.**

**Hermione: Oh, except for the House Cup tournament.**

**Neville: Kids, kids, look at this. I found Dumbledore's will.**

**Harry: Dumbledore's will?**

**Neville: Yeah, it says –Upon my death, that Gryffindor wins the House Cup! It also says that Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter, my chocolate factory goes to Charlie, and Toon Town goes to the Toons! (everyone cheers)**

"Huge play of a Muggle game and book-turned-movie, but can you really give Hogwarts?"

"No I cannot but if I could, I would give it to you four."

**Harry: Hey, I guess all the professors are dead so, Butterbeers on me!**

**Dementor: Clean to go.**

**Quirrell: Thank You.**

**Dementor: You know, while I was devouring every single one of your happy thoughts, they all seemed to be about a certain friend of yours. Wanna talk?**

**Quirrell: No, that's behind me now.**

**Dementor: Sorry, well did you hear the news? Voldemort is dead! Yeah, good luck getting off this impenetrable island!**

"If Dementors could talk, they would probably sound like Goyle."

**Quirrell: Dead? (drops in agony and cries)**

**Voldemort: Hey you.**

**Quirrell: Voldemort, is it really you?**

"WHAT? I know why I survived but how did you survive?"

**Voldemort: What's left of me.**

**Quirrell: But I just heard that you were…**

**Voldemort: Destroyed? Yeah, but Quirrell, there's a part of me that's still here and I can't go on to the next plane without it. It's a part of me that can't be destroyed because it's right…here. (points to Quirrell's heart)**

**Quirrell: In my heart? So you came back?**

**Voldemort: I came home.**

**Quirrell: And you don't want to kill Harry Potter anymore?**

**Voldemort: No, because I learned something when I had my body back Quirrell. I learned that life is really messy, complicated, and doesn't turn out the way you think it will and that, you think killing people might make them like you but it doesn't.**

"Are you going to have this revelation?"

"I like it and I'm feared and through that fear I have respect and power. Why would I change it?"

**It just makes people dead. I got killed by a two year old and it's really embarrassing and people are always like –When you gonna come back Voldemort?- or –When you gonna take over the world?- It's me, it's all on me! And I'm sitting there by myself and no it in there and I saw to myself, maybe with Quirrell things would be okay.**

**Quirrell: Is okay good?**

**Voldemort: Quirrell, okay is wonderful. (run to each other and go back-to-back)**

**Everyone: Baby you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down, 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't' matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through. (they bow and the screen goes back to the symbol)**

The kids jumped up when they heard the starting song's rhythms and they decided to sing with it.

"Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to Gryffindor! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw! Slytherin! Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!" Dumbledore decided he may as well indulge them

"I'm sorry, what'd you say?"

"Hogwarts! Hogwarts!"

"I didn't hear you kids!"

"HOGWARTS! HOGWARTS!"

"Man, I'm glad I went back!"

The credits played as the students realized that they had let each other in. Draco was grabbed into a hug by Hermione and Ginny. Once the released him Ron and Harry patted his shoulders and man-hugged him. Voldemort glared at his pathetic Death Eater and felt his magic boil. It was back.

"I don't think so children! Crucio!" The spell actually worked except Harry was faster and took the curse for Draco. He bit his lip as pain exploded through his body and nerves, the memory of this was nothing to it happening again. The pain left swiftly and he finally let himself breathe. He looked up warily to see Voldemort was knocked out and bound by golden binds.

"Potter, you idiot, you didn't have to do that for me." Harry shakily let Ginny and Draco help him back to the couch. His whole body was trembling in after-shocks of the pain. Ginny watched as Draco looked at the Dark Lord in hate.

"Trust me, you don't want to go through this. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, except maybe Voldemort himself." Harry had stopped trembling so bad and was now merely breathing deeply and looking like he was going to fall asleep. The screen lit up and the words appeared.

_I'm sincerely sorry Harry for your troubles. I had allowed magic so that I could transport Voldemort back while erasing his mind. There are pain-relievers in the kitchen. Now, Albus, will you go into Voldemort's pocket on the right and grab his stone? Once in his hand, it'll erase his mind and send him back to his hobble. Thank You and you are all granted now two videos for my troubles._

Harry smiled as Dumbledore approached the Dark Lord and watched him disappear. Hermione had disappeared looking for the pain relievers and coming back with three blue pills.

"It's just Advil but it'll help and you won't feel as hot either."

"Thank you Hermione…okay, let's pull up that song." Harry took the pills and waited for the effect to take place. A list of videos appeared but none said what they wanted.

"Oh, well, how about _Going Back to Hogwarts_?" Dumbledore agreed and clicked the video. There wasn't a Harry but just words for them to sing and sing the five teens did.

-Just imagine them singing and fooling around with the recorded version of the song-

"Wohoo, I am pumped now for some reason."

"I can't believe all of us can actually sing to be honest."

"Okay, what should the next video be?" They looked at the list of songs and started debating on them. Albus and Severus just watched until Ginny picked the song. Harry was feeling better between the relaxation and pills.

"I want to sing Voldemort's Going Down!" They all quickly agreed and that was the next song.

-Again, just imagine them singing it because it would make this longer than need be-

"Okay children, it is now time for the sequel. I know you don't want to have to make the tough decision we will be given but we can't keep putting this off."

"Of course Professor." Ron and Hermione sat on the floor while Ginny took Harry's spot and he laid across the couch with his head in her lap. Draco sat at the other end, allowing Potter's feet to rest in his lap. He didn't care at this point honestly.

AN: This is the end of the beginning. I am right on Act 1 Scene 7 of the sequel and will be aiming to finish it before I post it but I hope my fellow readers and Starkid fans that I have done the characters justice without being too OOC. Besides, wait until Ron and Harry see Umbridge...

Until then, I give you my best wishes for happy holidays and receiving lots of gifts. My gift to you will hopefully be posting the sequel and then I get to finish it out, what happens when they return to the real world.


	26. Sequel

The Sequel is now up and started!

I hope you all forgive my absence as a LOT went on in my personal life.

But now who cares? Let's get back to Hogwarts…


	27. Petition

The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

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